The Broken Christmas
by Basched
Summary: Secret Santa fic for an ardentrain on the LJ community, Rayne Exchange. It's Christmas Eve-ish and River has a new directive, one she cannot ignore. Set six years after BDM. pre-rayne/rayne. Explicit sexual content..smut in other words.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: This story is my (late) Secret Santa gift to an_ardent rain, on the LJ community: Rayne exchange. It is still unfinished…a second part will follow as soon as work allows me, but I thought I would post this piece anyways. Hope that's okay, for this is my first time having dun a Secret Santa fic. It's not easy! Nor is it for me to write smut, but I hope its not too bitty or well…corny. Any helpful crits will be appreciated. Anyhow….happy late Christmas, happy New Year and enjoy this : I originally put this story as four years after the BDM, but then I stupidly posted the sequel saying it was six years. I'm going to stick with the six. :)

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**The Broken Christmas**

"**PART ONE" Directive**

It was Christmas Eve, or thereabouts.

In the middle of the "night", River bolted straight up in bed; the lights were still dimmed in the corridor behind her door and only the gentle humming of the engine throbbed in her ears. For the first time in a long while, her mind was cleared of invading thoughts and drowning emotions; the many whispering secrets even appeared to have stopped their incessant chaotic assault on her brain, leaving a lucid calm.

It didn't last.

Something inside her brain clicked on and there were a sharp pop of pain.

In that instant, her temperature soared high, her breathing became deep heaving pants and her body began to shake uncontrollably. River whipped round to the side of her bed, placed her bare feet on the cold floor and leant her head forward into shaking palms. As her fingers clawed at her greasy tangled locks, the heat swelling, the burning all over her body made her rock back and forth.

_The timer has run out, alarms are ringing. A new directive. It is not plausible, has no purpose. The calculations are all wrong, the dates are meaningless. The ringing is abnormal, out of time. _

River stopped clawing at her head, caring not for the ripped threads between her fingers, and she looked up through the knotted tatters of her hair. She didn't understand why she was shaking, all she knew was something was niggling inside her head, forcing her and driving her. She couldn't shut it out or ignore it; River was compelled to make the ringing stop. Little beads of hot perspiration formed on her forehead and sweat trickled down her back, soaking through her thin white night gown. Her body was physically reacting to the noise, her calm had been broken.

River rose to her feet and slowly walked over to her door. Her hands were shaking as she slid it across; her palms were slick and red and she stood paused at the open threshold of her room gazing down at them, before rubbing her fingers against the material of her dress.

This was urgent, so she moved quickly across the corridor and went to open her brother's bedroom door. Her hand pressed against the partition and for a brief second River felt the need for her brother's help fade. He wasn't necessary or able; to have him help was wrong, seriously wrong and not even an idea to contemplate on. Not in a million years!

However she still opened the door and gazed in.

No. There was no need to disturb Simon as he slept, cradling little Kaylee tightly to his naked body. The sheets and their legs wrapped round each other like the fairy lights on the Christmas tree; Kaylee's hair sprayed in curls across Simon's chest and her hand lovingly snaked round his waist. They had happy smiles on their faces, content and pleasured, gorged full of the bliss of recent physical intercourse. There was a warm haze of love circulating this room; it just simply oozed from the sleeping couple.

River tilted her head and gazed at them. Confused as her body reacted strongly to seeing the couple like that, River felt her heart begin to beat faster and the sweat was starting to sting in her eyes. The urgency was too much, the instinctual need took over her normal reasoning functions, yet at the same time, she knew that she did not need Simon. He couldn't help her in any way.

She closed the door and looked off down the corridor.

Through all the chaos and insanity howling in her mind, River was drawn ever onwards towards the rest of the ship. But it wasn't right, now wasn't the time.

_Is there a feasible alternative? She could stay in her room? Lock it, bolt it, prevent her from making a mistake, prevent her from seeing them and they might leave her alone until the next trip dirt side? When on Persephone, she will sneak out, the potential will be more difficult, harder to accomplish, but fun. _

_Or Inara! She will know what to do and she can help! No. Not like that! Advice, she might understand why she is feeling like this. _

_Nothing must stop it, no excuses, no resistance. Cannot be rational, it does not apply. _

River began to walk, the cold metal floor appeared even more so against the heat of her soles, but it wasn't registering. She moved out of the passenger dorms and cautiously edged past the infirmary. She hated that place, the soft blue glow that escaped through the windows and the door reminded her too much of the Academy. Even four years after Miranda, the secrets of Parliament, of the "Blue Sun" were slowly unravelling and this was just another one…wasn't it?

There was pain in that room; always there was the pain and the screaming, along with the blood. The snapping of bone, the wails. They did things to her mind, a lot of things, but it hadn't just been those cuts into her brain that affected her. Something was different in her body.

River nearly jolted from what flashed in her mind…her, lying on the bed screaming, she was crying so hard and there was pain unlike she had ever experienced at the Academy. She didn't like this feeling, it ripped horribly in the depths of her stomach and she felt ill. She wanted desperately to be sick. She ran on away from the infirmary, focusing her mind on the sweet golden feelings still ebbing from her brother's room and in doing so, only made the urgency within her become more intense. Her frightened deep breathing changed to desperate pants as River hopped through the door that lead to the cargo bay.

The cargo bay was empty of folk and was just as the Captain had wanted, free and clear from the decorations of the "Gorram Christian Holiday." However, there were signs of the reaped benefits from their last job. A shiny new mule hung above River's head, the updated model was much faster than the previous one and could carry a lot more in weight; but that never stopped Kaylee from making a few minor improvements to it.

River spotted some of the new equipment that also accompanied the Mule, the rickety catwalks had been replaced with sturdier ones and she could tell that the console next to the cargo bay door had been replaced. It would now work after the old one had been pounded into uselessness after a certain merc took his anger out on it. Everything seemed new in her eyes, Serenity was radiating with beauty but nothing had changed. It was still her, she was still glorious. The money they received had allowed them to afford much this year, everyone was going to be gifted. Serenity was no exception.

With no one in here, River wasn't going to linger, even though she normally spent a lot of her time here, hiding in the shadows and watching the crew below with avid fascination. It was like a theatre show in this place; she would watch from her own private balcony hidden in the shadows as Mal and Inara argued, Kaylee hummed and sang; River would smile and giggle at the calls of her brother as he looked for her; and as for those moans of Jayne as he lifted his weights…the deep growling grunts….

The ringing was getting impatient again.

River shook her head in furious frustration, though it did little to dampen the incessant whines and she began to run through the bay and up the metal stairs to the crew quarters. As she approached the upper tier, she slowed and quietened her steps. She came to a halt between the crew bunks and the mess hall, gazing along towards the bridge.

The corridor was dark except for the multi-coloured lights framing Kaylee's door, the lighting from the bridge and of those behind her in the mess. The thoughts were strong here; the dreams and pictures from the crew were vibrant and powerful in an array of mixing colours. River edged along to the bunks, placing a hand on each door to get a feel of the occupant. Kaylee wasn't in…that much she knew, but even touching her door allowed her the connection all across the other side of the ship.

_Sunshine. The long green grass is as tall as a man's head, bending in the warm breeze. She lay amongst it, bare and free from the grime and grease, with her Simon curled around her, his touches as delicate and tickly as the grass tracing over her skin. Happy, sensual…so in love. A summer's day. _

River's head jerked back as the impact of Kaylee's dreamy feelings, nearly drowned and blinded her with dazzling golds and yellows. Her hand snapped away sharply from the fairy lit and tinsel draped bunk and she lost momentary balance. Staggering, she tried to steady herself at the next bunk, but that was just as intense.

Captain Daddy was asleep too…his snores were just barely audible through the metal, but his slumbering thoughts were screaming.

_It's chaotic and confusing, the memories and dreams keep changing and won't keep still! The war, the violence and the faces of people he killed, of the comrades and friends he's lost, their faces still vivid, he will never forget. _

_Dinner times, the laughing and the telling of the stories paint brighter colours for him, it gives him the closeness he needs. The captain is always warmed by his crew, his family and it makes him proud. However, the family has suffered great loss, two are gone and so his anger returns. _

_The aim to misbehave…Reavers…the black…Serenity. _

_There is so much love for Her and so in kindness, Serenity flies for him, She keeps him safe. Good and bad, the dreams won't stop changing…remorse and fury….happy times….grief…._

Captain Daddy wasn't resting.

River felt the tingle, the soft lips on his arm. She felt gentle slender fingers trace over his skin and rest over his heart, calming the racing beats to steady sated thumps.

Inara always settled him.

_She is his guide through the woods. _

Once Captain Daddy became serene in the arms of his companion, River took her hand away and touched the bunk nearest the bridge. Zoë.

_Healed Zoë. Her dreams of her pilot, the man who made her soar and laugh, no longer causes her to cry. It's the future which is brightest and so full of promise. Content and at peace; protectiveness surrounds the warrior woman like an aura. _

River was happy for Zoë, her grief during those years after Miranda had been more than River could handle. The little man maybe gone, but he was definitely not forgotten, not with the six year old who now sneaked into the bed to be beside his mother.

Little "Wash" had sneaked out to see what "presents" he had, unable to sleep for the excitement that overwhelmed him. He was too much like his father with those bright eyes and that cheeky smile.

River tilted her head to the side and eyed the last bunk, the bunk where the strongest vibes were coming from. She leaned down and smiled at the pretty pink fairy lights that had been ripped from the door, along with the plastic red and white "Santa"; which was now droning "ho ho ho" in a broken garbled and whining voice. The man-ape didn't want this go se on his door, he'd told Kaylee that enough times, so River placed them back on before heading towards the mess hall.

Captain Daddy had given into the mechanic's constant pleas, the mess hall and kitchen was dressed from floor to ceiling with Christmas decorations. Over by the lounge was a tall green and very _real_ pine tree, its scent swirling in the air with the freshness of the world they had plucked it from. Lights, tinsel and assorted Christmas decor trailed over the walls and lined the edges of the tables and kitchen counter, displaying cheerful festive vibrancy. River remembered how she and Kaylee had such fun putting all this up with the assistance from Inara and Zoë, but the men had stayed out of their way. Mal and Jayne didn't assist through choice and Simon because he was more of a hindrance than any aid.

The tree itself had many lights and dangling ball-balls, as well as some home made paper coloured link chains, but around its base was what everyone, even Mal, were excited about. After the new upgrades for Serenity, there was more than plenty of money left; generous amounts for each crewmember. So the extra money was spent on presents from the last core planet they'd visited and were wrapped in the brightest of paper.

Yet River wasn't being drawn to the presents.

_Already know what everyone has gotten her. Getting up in the middle of the night cycle to try and figure out what is hidden beneath the paper is irrelevant. To some people any way. _

_He such a boy. _

River padded silently over to the kitchen counter and as she crouched into a suitable hiding position, the whining ring increased.

He was mostly concealed by the tree; though through the thick pine branches she could make out the contours of his square chiselled jaw, the unshaven stubble around his scruffy goatee and the glare of the Christmas lights in his eyes. Although all the colours shone and glimmered prettily on the pine, it's illumination on Cobb's face made him look far from angelic. To River, the colours that glowed upon his skin brought out his own. Intensely primal, dark and alluring.

Jayne Cobb was picking up individual presents from the base of the tree. His face scrunched up in quizzical curiosity as he shook and smelt at the paper, hoping for a clue of what was inside. He looked like a curious predator feline enthralled by such alien objects. A couple of the presents he shook made him smirk and grunt in amusement and it was these expressions which provoked an involuntary gasp to escape River's lips.

Jayne looked up suddenly, glaring round at the mess hall with suspicion. For a brief instant, there was a look of (fear?) before he put down the current present he was holding. He wasn't wanting to get caught and so those steely blues scowered the room for other members of the crew. He scrutinized all he could view of the mess hall with a snarl on his face, before he reached his hand up to the tree and picked off one of the dangling gold decorations. His lingered gaze round the dining room lasted for a long time, he sniffed; but once he was satisfied that it was "safe", he then began to peel away the golden foil. A few seconds later, he stuffed a large chocolate coin in his mouth.

Jayne picked several more of the treats off the tree and got to his feet. Moving from round the tree, he cussed angrily under his breath at the fallen needles pricking the bottom of his bare soles.

River moved back, resisting the driven needs to make herself known to him, but her eyes never narrowed from surprise at the tall mercenary. He normally slept in his clothes, always prepared in case another "Jubal Early" made it onto the boat. But now all that adorned him were a pair of boxers and seeing the sight of his near nakedness (his broad muscular body, his bulking bare arms and strong toned legs.) made River's breath catch. The sound was only slight, but it made him tense.

"Little man? Is that you?" he called out, his brow creasing in anger. River saw that his hand instinctively reached to the back of his boxers, no doubt for a gun or knife, as Jayne would never venture anywhere without some kind of weapon. "Gorramit, ya brat! Wha'did I tell ya? Git back to bed!"

Jayne was just about to peer over the kitchen counter when he stopped. Through sweating hair, River could see him frown in puzzlement before he took in a long deep breath through his nose. It was only when he recognised her scent that _the _grin formed slowly on his face. Jayne turned round in a small circle, scanning the room again like a predator, keeping his hands on the butt of his gun. He also made sure that he looked up at the ceiling, just in case she was going pounce at him with a tin of peaches…or some other such fruit.

"Come on out, Crazy…I know ya here."

_Why is she hiding? Observation isn't necessary at this time, all the data is known and can be acted upon. Reveal yourself and your intentions! _

The door slid across with a metallic screech and clicked shut, making the merc turn round and finally face her. River stood in front of the door, barely able to control her ragged breathing or keep her hands from stroking against her chest. She glared at him, brown eyes flickering up and down with heightened curiosity as he approached; she took in every scar that marked his tanned skin, River had tried to count them but the ripples on his bulging arms had her completely captivated. The flexing muscles, the deep growl within his breaths, the sheer bulking mass of him had her enthralled.

"Come to sneak a peak at yer presents too?" he sniggered, arching back his shoulders and heaving out that broad torso as his hands rested on the handle of his gun. "Well I'll tell ya what I told the lil' man, it ain't Christmas so ya can't ruttin' open anythin'. Dong ma?"

She never said a thing in reply to him. River stepped closer, her head tilting this way and that absorbing every minute detail of this robust man. He certainly is a giant compared to her; such a height, heavy set build and strong bone structure were perfect characteristics and as far as she was aware, he had no medical deficiencies or problems apart from what his drinking and smoking inflicted upon him. Her eyes sauntered down over his body and she bit her lip when she noticed that through his shorts, all too clearly, Jayne Cobb was not an average man.

"Crazy…you dun finished starin' at me with ya mouth open?" hissed Jayne, his head following River as she walked round him in a curious inquisitive circle. Obviously not able to turn his head completely in three hundred and sixty degrees, Jayne nearly cracked his neck to catch sight of her as she came back to his front. "Stop lookin' at me like I'm yer damned supper! It ain't funny!"

She wasn't laughing. River's silence was extremely irritating for him, especially when she gave him nothing but looks because it confused him. Jayne wasn't sure how to react to those wide deep brown eyes fixating and roaming all over him; yet his fists clenched tightly into balls anticipating some kind of an attack from her. There were no knives or weapons in her hands, but he knew (Jayne winced) what pain those dainty little fingers could dish out.

"If it bothers ya, I only took a coupla those choc money things." he said as River circled round him a few more times, still not saying anything but creeping him out. "It's not like the little Wash brat is gonna go without."

Nothing. River kept her eerie silence, the chocolate of no concern whatsoever. She was fixated on him with no concerns for consequences or qualms about his reactions. All that mattered was that it had to be done.

Her hand reached out and brushed lightly against his forearm. The feel of the light hair upon his skin made a crackle of static shoot between them, snapping back her hand and sending Jayne leaping away from her with horror. The retraction away from her caused his feet to become uncoordinated and so he tumbled backwards and into the kitchen counter.

River smiled.

At that fleeting touch, she felt waves of startling and mixing emotions come from the merc. Anger and fear being the usual, she was used to those emotions from him and their many different levels, but right now they weren't the strongest or dominant. His face certainly showed how uneasy and pissed off he was, but he was feeling anything but.

_He liked it? He actually felt pleasure from her touching him? He wants the Girl to touch him again! _

River moved back in closer and placed her hand once again on his forearm, this time trailing up and down his bicep before resting on the tense muscle.

"Stoppit." he growled as River's inquiring hand stroked down to feel his own. His balled up fists rose suddenly as if to push or even punch her but River didn't flinch. She just continued to stare at him with those unsettling eyes, whilst her fingers lightly traced over the backs of his knuckles.

"Gorrammit, ya looney-bint! Gerroff me!"

This time he did shove River away. The force behind it was enough to send her crashing against the wall; the paper chains ripping and falling to the floor as she stumbled. River was unperturbed by his rough actions for she had read his thoughts, seen the images he had been thinking and she knew that her intentions were not completely unwanted. There was also a longing for resistance, hope for a little bit of hurt.

River strode past him, each foot placed perfectly in front of the other, graceful yet eerie as she walked over to the other door. She closed it and the gentle thrumming of the engines were dulled out. The ringing was there, still panicking (can ringing panic?) shrill in tone, but the rest in her head was calculating, predicting and plotting.

"What the ruttin' hell is the matter wit' ya? Quit makin' them creeped out eyes at me and say somethin'!"

River manoeuvred round to his back, slipped his gun out from the waistband of his shorts and placed it on one of the chairs. With both of her hands, palms flat, she rested them against Jayne's back sliding them up along his spine and across his shoulder blades; the shock and horror of her touching him again, made Jayne scurry back towards the door.

"That's it!" he snarled, glancing nervously on the ever silent moon brain. "I ain'ts for you to touch, ya flipped out gorram crazy ruttin' psycho reader! You keep them there fiddlin' fingers to yaself, or else yer the one goin' in the air lock!"

The threat went completely over her head. River strode over to him and lashed out with her foot, her bare sole landing flat against the metal door and baring Jayne from opening it. Perfectly balanced on the small metal steps, River gazed longingly into the merc's ocean blues, both of them very much aware that the angle of her leg made her nightgown slip higher up to her waist, revealing pale smooth skin.

The buffeting of intrigue, arousal and confusion from Jayne made her sway only momentarily, however River composed herself as much as she could before her leg come back down. Encroaching on his space once more, she placed herself so close that her face almost touched and her lips could have grazed against his tight twitching pecks.

The smells that wafted from him buzzed a wonderful high throughout her, there were so many that were distinct to Jayne; she could identify every single one of them. River trailed her nose across him, sniffing; his dark hair tickling at her nostrils, but the overwhelming scent of sweat, sex, gun oil and cigars caused her to falter in her grace. She groaned again, whined as her tongue peeked out from between her lips and lapped at the air around him, hoping to taste the same smells that caused such an imbalance. River's shaking hands rose from her sides; so as her head sniffed around him in curiosity and want, her fingers inched closer to brush against Jayne's body.

In a split second, hard gripping fingers snagged round her wrists and with crushing force River was shoved back against the door and her arms were pinned above her head. The thud of her body against the metal forced a whining gasp from her lips, followed by a deep seductive moan when Jayne crushed against her. He was trying to be threatening and intimidating, he was trying to scare her, but it was doing the opposite.

As she looked up at Jayne, squirming in his grasp and nipping at her lip, she witnessed the unmistakable flare of arousal in those ice blues orbs before she was abruptly dropped down to the steps. The coldness of the metal went right through the material of her gown, making her shudder, yet it didn't stop her from pulling up the hem line above her knees; her legs parted wide and revealed only a small glimpse of the inner paleness of her thighs. When she looked up at the stunned Jayne, gawping at her with his mouth wide open, she pulled it up just a little further to draw his lustful glare towards what she wanted him to touch.

"Crazy…" The words could hardly come from his mouth as he salivated. Jayne wiped his mouth with his forearm and attempted to act as if he wasn't really turned on. "I'm gonna go back to ma bunk an' I'm goin' to…not be thinkin' on yer pantin… or yer heavy breathin'….an'…ya lickin' of those….hmmm…lips."

He jabbed his finger at her with a fierce scowl creasing his brow, in an attempt to be menacing, but his threat didn't work when he stuttered out a low incomprehensible mumble at the sight of her licking her lips again.

Swirls of fear churned within him, but it was the want and arousal that dripped off him like sweat. The pummelling attraction ebbing from him was hard to block out and ignore and neither could she ignore the unavoidable sight of the sudden tightness rising in his shorts. She was hurting, aching just as she knew he was; she had lost all shred of sense as primal instincts throbbed in her belly and between her own legs. This attraction or whatever it was was the primitive kind, raw and uncontrollable.

River turned over from her bottom onto her hands and knees; she crawled over to Jayne and began coiling herself tightly around his legs. He jerked and scrambled to move away from her but her hold on him was startlingly strong. Claw like fingers held a vice grip upon him and he wouldn't have been able to get her off him without resorting to kicking her hard in the face.

Those nails clawed languidly hard over Jayne's shins and calves, scouring through the hairs and leaving long red bloodied marks that burnt.

"Fucking gods, ya _feng le_! You've crossed the gorram line!" Jayne's fist lashed out and grabbed hold of her hair tugging River's head sharply back, yet such a reaction only caused the young woman to dig her nails in deeper to his legs. "Arrgh!"

His hand dropped her, ripping some strands from her scalp, but the pain didn't seem to register with her at all. Flopping back down around his ankles, River leant in close to where she had marked him and trailed her tongue along the red bloodied lines. Jayne cussed endless streams of low rumbling Mandarin curses, the pleasure so evident that he had to steady himself against one of the chairs.

As she licked at him like a cat with its favourite bowl of milk, he attempted to shake her off again, only to bite his own hand in an effort to muffle his scream, when teeth dug harshly down into the flesh of his leg.

"_Ma de_!" Jayne's legs almost gave out beneath him, though he managed to prevent his fall by stumbling against the wall. Jayne tried to hide the fact that what the little crazy did, not only hurt, but it turned him the hell on. "Girl…this just ain't …stoppit 'cuz I will trash ya for tryin' an' I don't need or want ya loopy fits and wacky crazed…craziness!"

A tiny giggle replied.

River coiled up and around his body like a snake, grazing her hands over his back and down to his hips. She lingered them on his slick sweaty skin, stroking and pinching with starving hunger, for she badly wanted to eat.

Achingly River trailed her fingers across his groin and caught hold of the band of his boxers. She pulled it out towards her and River gazed down inside with wide gleaming eyes.

_More than satisfactory!_

She released his waistband and heard it smack against his flesh with a wonderful snap. Jayne whimpered at the little burn it whipped on his skin; that whimper droned into a sexual growl as through his shorts, she took hold of his hardening member and squeezed.

The wide eyed, stunned and horrified glare was followed by a spluttering series of coughs and whimpers before Jayne tried pry her hold off him, but he could barely move or speak when she began to move her unyielding grip up and down his shaft. She could feel the heat of him swelling and soaking through his shorts, she heard it in his sensual growls and such larger than average stiffness was soon becoming inadequate in her hand. It was not enough.

Now, it was River's turn to push him back.

From the door Jayne stumbled, knocking over several badly placed plastic reindeers with flashing lights; he crashed into Mal's chair, wincing as it caught his back. River smiled and then gave him a harder push to the table, sticking her foot behind his ankles to trip him up. The force with which Jayne hit the table upset the other decorations, sending them clattering to the floor, there was even a deep cracking as the wood splintered under his weighty fall.

He managed to grab one of the fancy candlesticks Kaylee had brought, before it rolled off the edge and he held it out towards River as a weapon to use against her, or in the very least keep her away from him.

Jayne was evidently torn between his fear and his arousal, her hand on his John Thomas wasn't exactly a full on hand job…it even hurt a little…but he had (in his own way) liked it. He wasn't resolved on what to do with this sudden strange behaviour in River, but she knew she would be able to convince him. He would help her and enjoy it.

"Moon brain…I think more than a few screws have dropped outta yer skull…" River heard him mumble _"an' mine…"_ under his breath. "this…what ya doin'…I don't wannit."

_Liar. Liar. Inside your pants, you really are on fire. _

River tilted her head to the side and approached the edge of the table, cautious at first, watching for any signs that he might lash out and attack; when none were apparent, River shoved him with all her might onto the table's surface. He was about to spout off some more angry and hurtful words, but their stares locked together. The shimmering blue in his eyes belied what his mouth had bumbled; he did want her, he was tempted, even if she was the crazy nut-job that he had tried to sell out to the feds all those years ago.

River had seen the images in his dreams after Miranda. The nightmares were always nightmares, full of blood, pain and screaming foul Reavers…but the end, was always of her. She had been startled when she had first looked in on his dream; for the nightmares turned to thoughts of her, naked, deadly and frightening. River also knew what he did in reaction to those nightmares. It had and was still turning her on.

Her heart rate increased, it thudded painfully inside her chest at the thought of doing those things he dreamed and wanted, she became disorientated as her mind was endlessly bombarded with Jayne's wild fantasies.

Jayne knew what she intended to do but there was still doubt within him. Doubt of getting caught, of being shot by the others, doubt of allowing himself to indulge in the sexing with the young (gorgeous…small…crazy) girl. Woman!

He wanted to leave, he wanted to stay, Jayne wanted to yell and scream just so the others would come, and he wished he had his gun to threaten her properly…but he was curious. She was willing, albeit in a scary way….River knew quite simply that the last of this doubt had to be erased

River pried apart his legs with shocking strength and positioned herself between them, smiling seductively. There was a long pause as they stared at each other, lost as some unspoken agreement passed between them. River spotted his trembling hands clutching at the end of the table; one let go to reach out to touch her, only to stop midway. Jayne broke the stare, he screwed his eyes tight shut and clenched his fists just as hard on the table.

"River…I thought ya were 'posed to be on the mend…you can't be….this ain't right. I'm tryin' to do the right thing here. Don't make it hard for me…"

River's dirty sniggering laugh didn't help things.

Neither did her nails which suddenly dug deep and hard into his hips. Jayne jolted on the table; he grunted at the pain and grabbed at her wrists, just where the bruise from his last hold was already beginning to form. Pulling her hands away from his now bleeding skin, furied and livid, he squeezed harder against her. All she could do was infuriatingly smile back, as if this were some kind of game.

_It's no game. The boy wants the girl. He's too afraid, scared that he will be thrown off Serenity. The dreams won't stop, the feelin's won't change…why ain't she afraid of him like most others? Why doesn't she go away, leave him alone? He doesn't want her to, that's why. He wants to do all kinds of naughty things with her; lick her, suck her dry…delve within her depths, hear her scream and cry. He wants to fight. He wants to love her. Poor boy, he is so conflicted. _

"Gorrammit!" he snarled. "Stop this now, 'fore I hurt ya! An' don' reckon I won't!"

His intimidation did little to stop her. She couldn't even help herself; River mewed with want and relished the burning feel of his sweating body beneath her fingers. She traced light tipped caresses up from his hips and across his flat toned abs, which caused him to buck in reaction to the tickling sensation. His groin thrusted upwards and it only made things worse when his hardened John Thomas jabbed into her side.

River could have spent herself right there. The long thickness of him twitched when she trailed her fingers over it through his boxers, its rigid attention only made River's want become more desperate. River took her hands away from his aching muscle and pressed her hands against his heart. Its beat was just as erratic as hers, thumping so hard and fast that River could have lost herself in its violent rhythm.

Her teeth bit down hard onto her bottom lip, feeling as if his heart was beating like a war drum, booming before a great battle. The tip of her pink tongue poked from her mouth, ran over small specks of blood and smeared her lips with red. Jayne was watching her so intently, with his mouth hanging open; he didn't even notice that she had stopped touching him.

Her hands threaded through her hair, pulling the long waves out of her face and they clasped behind, on the back of her head; her body arched into his groin, goading him, prompting him to touch her in return with blatant nudges. Jayne's hand instinctively reached out for her, but it stopped just short of making contact. It curled into a fist.

"I will hurt ya if you don't stop." he rumbled.

River snarled, fed up and frustrated with his hesitancy.

The crack to Jayne's jaw flattened him completely against the dining room table and his own split lip began to bleed, dripping down his bearded chin. He was more than dazed and during that time, there was confusion and the ever curious question _"Why in the ruttin 'verse did she hit me?" _repeated over and over in his befuddled mind.

River took his swaying confusion as an opportunity to make her next move. She leapt up onto the table and straddled the incapacitated merc, squeezing her knees and legs with crushing force against his hips. She wrenched the candle stick from his fist and flung it to the ground, bending over to him. Her eyes screamed that she wanted him and she was going to show that her body did too.

She grabbed hold of the neckline of her night gown and Jayne could only watch, stunned beyond any capacity stop to her, when she pulled and ripped the material clean in half and off her body. The tattered remains of which were cast carelessly to the floor.

"_Ta ma de_!" Jayne was beyond shocked now, he was absolutely dumbstruck. "Yer…yer nekkid!"

River rolled her eyes at his statement of the obvious.

_Her body is not anything to look at. She knows this, but the boy…the man with a girls name…he thinks it's slender and perfect. He calls her pretty in his head…beautiful and so gorram hot. He is attracted. _

River didn't purposely intrude on his privacy, for his thoughts were now focused solely on her, she couldn't block them out. So as River still sat atop him, she closed her eyes and threaded her hands through her hair, letting the waves of his thoughts crash over her, again and again in drowning turbulence.

_She has breasts, on the small side but they have filled out considerably since she first found Serenity. Jayne certainly thinks so. He is in awe at how round and pert they are. It is curious; he has already named them "His lil' beauties." He wants to devour them; they beckon him to touch now that he's seen them. _

His thoughts of her were downing her. They weren't of hatred, they weren't even of fear, the doubt was non-existent as his eyes gawped and stared bedazzled at her nakedness. She heard him think of her skin, how pale and unblemished it was, how silky it felt against him:

_"She's flawless…there's strength in those arms…aw hells and them legs…her legs…why ain't he ever noticed them before? God she could kill with them…di yu!"_

Whilst Jayne was trying to absorb every thing about her, his hands began to follow the path his eyes had traced, from her flushed face, down along her neck and over her breasts. His hands paused a while in its feeling, to tease and pinch at her hardening nipples; he rolled them between his fingers, squeezing and pulling them harder, noting the devilish smile upon River's face and hearing her pleasured puffs of breath and her moans. Jayne kept on pulling, noting the redness, smiling at the winces of pain on River's face, before he slipped his hands away and smoothed his palms over the flatness of her stomach. Whilst he massaged and stroked, Jayne brought his face closer to her chest. He looked longingly at those plumped and aroused breasts, licking his lips and then he gently pressed between them; trailing his tongue over the small curves before taking one whole within his mouth.

River's head fell back, she almost fell off him and the table but a strong hand held her on the small of her back, keeping her chest firmly against him. The warmth of his mouth, the wetness of his tongue rolling over her breasts sent shuddering ripples through her body; her muscles spasmed with ecstasy, her entirety convulsed harder against him as she tore viciously at his hair.

Was it River who growled, or him? Whoever it was, it resulted in a sharp blissful pain when his teeth gouged down hard onto her skin. It was that bite, the sharp pinch of his incisors that turned, quite literally, everything around.

This was the wake up call.

Although it wasn't Maidenhead, a similar sensation overcame River Tam. Everything else ceased to be of any importance, there was only the directive and that was Jayne. The instincts took over but this time she was not looking to kill, there were no Reavers, but a fight was necessary and wanted.

River gasped, her knees smacked against the table, splintering the crack even more as she pulled at Jayne's hair to flatten him on his back. She crashed down upon him and buried her face in his neck. She felt the thrum of his pulse against her mouth and latched on with her teeth, biting so hard that Jayne recoiled and clamped his hands onto her thighs, before suddenly flipping her round and beneath him.

Crack. The dining room table didn't exactly like the strain.

"You crazy woman…" Jayne snarled. "We're gonna git caught…"

She didn't care. Detaching her mouth from his neck, River dragged the edges of her teeth over his collarbone, biting as she rose up her legs. Jayne gladly aided her by hooking his arms under her knees so he could fit his body against hers. His heavy weight on top was restraining and constricting, but it only fuelled River on, urging her to keep up the struggle and fight. River placed her feet flat on his back and edged them down so her toes could hook beneath the elastic of his boxer shorts. Once they had a firm grip, she began to tug downwards with her feet.

He didn't even know that he was bare as she was, his nudity failed to register whilst he cradled her head beneath his arms and their fierce eyes locked once more, challenging. He felt a warm wetness trail on his leg and gazing down; he saw the shocking sight of the both of them intertwined and naked on a barely standing table. River saw the realization in his astonished expression, their current state of undress and being entangled was all too clear to him. But he wasn't trying to get away from her now; there was no fear; only the smirking grin of arousal. With heaving movements Jayne manoeuvred on top of her, pinning and grinding hard into her small body whilst he squeezed a free hand down between them. River smiled back up at Jayne with a devilish grin, relishing his delving fingers as they brushed through her dark wet curls and gushing lips; she bucked up into his hand, moaning ferociously with eager pants for him to delve inside. His breaths were already deep and mixed with dogged growls, his eyes glistened, giving River only a glimpse of the restraint he was keeping, of the animal viciousness pent up inside and waiting to be unleashed.

_Do it…do it…_

His finger slipped between her lips and touched lightly upon her swollen clit. At the slight tingle, River leaned her head back on the table and clamped her nails into Jayne's ass, anticipating more. His grunt at the searing pain in his cheeks was only brief, yet it fuelled him on. He dropped his head once more between her breasts and began to feel his fingers slowly at her hardened nub and through her juicy red petal like folds.

Yet, his ministrations were too slow, it wasn't hard enough and neither his fingers nor his hands were what she wanted, even if he was just testing her. The scratching of his goatee, the puffs of his heated grunts against her breasts were more exciting, but it wasn't producing the results that she craved. That angered her a little.

_The objective cannot be achieved in this manner! This is not for Her benefit; this is for the good of the Sun. This is for the future, not the here and now!_ _The pleasure of Her and the Ape Man is irrelevant! Non-productive!_

River dragged her nails from his ass all up over his back, tearing at his skin before curling her fingers into his hair; her disapproving keens mewed for a change, even when Jayne's soft gentle rubs quickened and pinched harder, she was not satisfied.

He loved it; his moaning stream of words muffled on her skin as he penetrated her entrance, his finger pushing harder as her muscles tensed around it. He moved his finger in and out, slowly as if still testing her, but River's shaking, thrusting body was ready enough.

Jayne nuzzled up over her breast to the base of her neck, only to be pushed away before he could suck hungrily at her skin. Again River's hold in his hair ripped at the dark strands as he rose up off her and onto his knees. Jayne didn't want to let go of her, so he scooped his arm under her knee and dragged her up into a sitting position, hooking her leg around his waist, whilst still motioning deep inside her.

River allowed him to continue with his thrusts, his rhythmic milking shuddering her closer to her peak, until she wrenched herself away. Jayne looked confused for a moment; River felt his worry and anxiousness, so she placed a hand on his sweating face and stroked it before grabbing hold of his cock and pressing eagerly it against her core.

"Now!" she hissed biting angrily at his ear.

Her nails burrowed into his face, gripping hold of his chin so Jayne could see she cared not for more foreplay. He nodded in understanding. As they went to move, the table gave another creak and it was enough for Jayne to scoop her up completely and slip off the table. As he carried her in a staggering almost drunken sway over to the kitchen counter, River was shaking. She hadn't realised until he stopped just how desperate for this she was. She clung to him as if Jayne was the most precious thing in the world and right now, he was.

She had to smile when the contents of the counter were swept off with one of his large arms. River looked towards the door and wondered if the clanging pots and cutlery would wake the rest of the crew. If it did, it wasn't going to stop her.

She lay down upon her back and held up her legs, spreading them widely for Jayne to get between them. He didn't look even the slightest bit concerned about the noise he had just made, instead his lust filled eyes gazed over her body, thinking only on what he was going to do to her.

Taking himself in his hand, River watched as he gave John Thomas a couple of eager strokes before leaning over her and running his free groping hand up and across the smooth skin of her stomach. He smirked at her with animal lust so clear in his eyes that when he tenderly stroked a strand of hair away from her face, River felt a different and sudden stirring within her.

She closed her eyes for the briefest of seconds.

He was big. River felt no real pain as he pushed within, but swallowing his entire length so deeply caused her to clench tightly around him. Jayne's huge weight collapsed suddenly on top of her, his face contorted and furrowed at such constriction; he moaned, heaved a rumbling growl into her tangled waves of hair. She thought she heard him say something amongst his mumbling begs to god, but her quivering tightness produced a curious fusion of pleasure and pain, so her legs locked with a vice like grip around him, pushing with every ounce of strength she had to keep him inside.

Even with his giant of a body encompassing her and the feel of his hands tangled in her hair she hoped he would quicken his pace. She lashed at his chest with her hands, grating and scouring with visceral ferociousness, forcing him to grind his hips harder. Jayne complied most eagerly, building up from slow gentle slides to hard thrusts with a strength that strained not only the surface of the counter, but to River as well. An elated gasp whined from her lips as a blissful heated flush coursed over her skin at such ferocious buffeting.

_She's so tiny, so gorram small and tight…she'll be the death of him…he knows it. His death is imminent. _

River could feel everything. The whole of the black, the infinity of it, the darkness and pain, light and ecstasy, it all exploded and the entire universe seemed to open up before her. He revealed more than she had known with every…pounding…driving…grind he bore to her. She tore at him, clasping as much as she could, feeling his rage, his passion and (oh gods yes) all of him. All of Jayne Cobb…inside her, within her…..against her. She felt what _they _did not want her to.

The hard surface against her back was nothing to the running sweat that poured over and in them both. She wanted to howl, scream until her voice was hoarse; yet all that escaped were the laboured ecstatic breaths as she continued to flutter her muscle walls against his cock.

"No…girl….River…" Jayne cupped her wet face in his hands and although he tried to look at her, all he could do was close his eyes in an attempt to regain some restraint. "Don't…don't do that…I ain't gonna last much longer….."

She couldn't help it for his pleas and his shaking form made her do it more, squeezing at him until all movement from Jayne stopped. His whole body became rigid, his buttocks clenched tightly and he bellowed into the tangles of her drenched hair. River wasn't sure what was going on until a burst of warmth shot inside and Jayne slumped weakly upon her, out of breath. River relaxed and lay utterly spent with a wonderful throbbing all over her body.

She was disappointed it was over too soon and wished it could have gone on for longer, but the deed was done.

_She has completed her task and there isn't any more need to do continue. _

_The man has fulfilled his role and he has done it well, the girl is pleasured and she purrs contently with the warmth she has tingling inside her. Yet why does she still want more? Is there a safe word to stop her from feeling like this? Has the Jayne-bear been so good, she herself wants more? _

"Why did you do that?" Jayne growled breathlessly in her ear, "No woman has ever done that t'me before!"

River couldn't find her voice.

What could she even tell him? It had been her first time and so she was unsure of how or what she did wrong. She opened her mouth to speak, but instead of words, she could only take a sharp inhale of breath as Jayne lifted up off and out of her.

There was a large thud as he slipped and fell off the counter, landing on the floor.

"Shit! Moonbrain…what the hell did we jus' do?"

River went to answer but when she lifted her head, she saw Jayne trying to clamber back up to his feet. He looked different, magnificent certainly with the sweat drenching and glistening his skin, though the frown on his brow gave her cause for concern.

"You are not aware?" she asked, her voice tentative and whispering. River tried to sit up, only to have her bottom slip on the sweat covered counter making her fall off the other side. She uttered a single cursing word at her lack of grace and finally poked her head up over the top cautiously. "We had sexual intercourse…didn't we?"

"Well…yeah…sure." he replied, scratching the back of his head and gazing down at his spent cock. River followed his gaze.

"You reached your orgasmic peak and ejaculated as is the norm in intercourse and judging by the floppiness…"

"It ain't ruttin' floppy!" Jayne growled back at her, though there was the slight whine of hurt in his voice. "Girl, don't ever say that 'bout a man's meat! It's gorram restin'! _Dong ma?"_

"The sex was exceedingly enjoyable."

Jayne grumbled something under his breath and turned away to retrieve his boxer shorts, wherever they were. River was confounded by his lack of response and so she got to her feet, steadying her self until she felt confident to walk on her wobbly legs, and scurried over to the merc.

"I cannot fault what happened." she said. "I was pleasured…a good feeling."

"Well, I dint like it!" Jayne snorted back as he became frustrated when he couldn't find his boxers. Where had the moon brain put them?

"You lie."

"No I ain't lyin'! You…..I….I finished quicker than what I ever used to! Sexin' should take longer! I tol' ya not to do the quiverin' thing but you went ahead an' did it anyways! Crazy…it just don't pay to get a man so excited he explodes fore he gets to make all his moves!"

"Oh. I comprehend. My apologies."

"Yeah….well…." Jayne loosened the tension in his body and nodded in slight appreciation. He crossed his arms across his chest and a small satisfied smile curled at his lips. "I suppose yer right. What we did…it was….fun…but next time learn t'relax and lemme do it….proper like. It will be better."

_Next time? He is asking for a next time? The girl is not abhorrent to engaging in the sexual relations with Jayne again, especially if he claims it will be better. It may well be worth a try…_

"Now?" she asked hopefully.

"Huh? Wha-?"

River touched at his back, running a finger along side a trickling drop of sweat rolling down his spine. Jayne turned round and in his eyes there was a glazed look as he stared all over at River's tiny yet oh so delicious body.

"You said it will be better…we can try again now. If you wish."

"Try? Girl…I can't do anything now! The fella ain't woken up and…."

River grinned, though it was not her bubbly-ray-of-sunshine-has-been-hanging-round-with Kaylee-for-too-long kind of smile. It was the same feral, predatory grin that she had adopted when all this began and she wasn't playing games.

"Ahhh…the bear-man needs stimulation!"

"Well…that goes with out sayin….."

"I shall assist." River licked her lips and stepped against Jayne, pushing him down into a chair. She pried his legs apart and knelt down between them, running her hands up over his legs. "It is said oral sex to a man will arouse him and ready him….."

"Here?" Jayne tried to leap up from the chair, but he sank back down immediately as once again the little woman scoured her nails into the flesh of his leg. "_Ma de!_ Will ya quit that?"

"You don't like it?"

"I don't like it here!" Jayne gripped at her shoulders and tried to compose his calm. He breathed several deep breaths before looking back in those chocolate coloured eyes of hers. "The last thing I want is fer the rest of the crew walkin' in on you givin' me a good spit n'polish. I will be meetin' my end in the black, all cut up inta bits, if they do."

"I understand."

River certainly did, but she didn't take heed. Jayne heard the crafty evil giggle she did, just moments before her hand cupped his "resting" member and began to stroke it with her fingers. She expected him to start yelling again, to fight and push her away, but she felt the ripples on his skin and heard his purring murmur of pleasure. She tightened her grip and held Jayne's meat up to her face, staring and gazing at it with fascination and hunger before pressing her lips against its head.

"Ruttin' hells! Moonbrain….River….please let's not…"

Jayne forwent all protests and attempts to talk River out of giving him the special treatment when she winked at him before slowly enveloping him with her mouth.

Jayne closed his eyes and moaned.

"_Yeh su…wo cao_!"

_You have no idea. _

* * *

Zoë was woken suddenly by a distant sound of clattering. She sat bolt up right in bed and peered to the hatch above her ladder. She knew instantly where it had come from, the mess hall; and when it occurred again, the first mate knew that someone was upending the entire kitchen.

The rustling in the bed next to her made Zoë look down and she smiled warmly at seeing her son now sound asleep. She knew he had gotten up to take a look at the Christmas presents and that he had been sent back after having been caught, so he wasn't the cause of the disturbance.

Zoë slipped quietly out of the bed and walked to the side where she kept her gun locked away. Retrieving it, she checked it was loaded and climbed the ladder to the flight deck.

Here, the noises from the mess hall were more evident, even with the door closed, but having a quick look at the bunk opposite hers; Zoë had a hunch on who was making this disturbance.

Satisfied that it wasn't an intruder and that Jayne was on another one of his late hour snack raids, she was went to turn back to her own bunk, stopping when she saw the door to the Captain's room open. She approached as Mal's head poked up from the hole.

"What's….Zoë….what's goin' on? We bein' attacked?"

Mal looked tired and much worn; his hair was ruffled and his eyes were barely keeping open. He was also swaying on his ladder, obviously having difficulty in keeping a firm hold.

"I'm thinking not sir." said Zoë.

"Thinkin' ain't knowin'. I'm gonna…." Mal attempted to pull himself up but he was struggling to do so. Zoë shook her head and bent down to rest a hand on his bare shoulder.

"Stay there, Sir….I'll go an' look."

"I'll watch your back." Mal brought out his gun and pointed it towards the mess hall door with a shaking hold. Zoë nodded, knowing that even when tired, Mal was more than capable of firing off accurate shots. She carefully held her own in a readied position and walked to the door.

The mess hall door was not normally closed, but Jayne had been known to shut them both if he wanted to "raid" the supplies. Zoë knew what to expect when she looked through the small tiny window, however what she actually saw made her gun falter in her fingers and a gasp of "oh my!" came from her lips.

"What?" Mal called out when Zoë spun round and flattened her back against the metal. He had known this woman for many years and there wasn't a lot that shocked Zoë like this; it was very rare she became embarrassed or showed such blushing, but Mal knew it could mean only one thing.

"_Go se._ He's nekkid again…isn't he?"

Zoë covered her eyes with her hand and tried to get the image of what she had just seen out of her mind. She was blushing still, her face singed with heat but she felt laughter building up in her chest and throat.

"You…you could say that, Sir." she sniggered, leaning forward and resting her hands on her knees. "It's…."

"He's breaking the "Don't wonder round the boat nekkid" rule, isn't he? Gorrammit, Zoë! Get him outta there!"

Zoë clicked shut the door lock, walked back to where Mal was using all his strength to climb out onto the deck and crouched down in front of him, blocking his way.

"Sir, I'm thinkin', rather I'm knowin' it would be best to leave him be. You might end up shootin' him, Sir and you don't want to do that right now…..Sir."

"Zoë…you be callin' me Sir rather a lot…it puts me mightily on edge."

"Really, Sir?"

"Yes! Ya are! Zoë…what is that _hundun_ doin' in there? In the place where we cook and where we eats? An' why in all the stinkin' 'Verse can I not shoot him?"

"Sir?"

"Quit it, Zoë! I know I'm the gorram Captain…what is that hairy sweaty…."

"Captain….ya tired, I can see that and that makes ya do things ya'd problie regret later. I say leave him be, but no one goes in there until he….makes it all better. Clean."

Mal let out the largest yawn Zoë had ever seen and he almost fell off the ladder if she hadn't of grasped once again at his shoulder. It was then clear to Mal that his first mate was probably right and he should trust her judgement as he had done so throughout all of their friendship. He peered down into his bunk and knew that Inara would soon wake up if he wasn't there. Dealing with a naked Inara was much more fun to him than dealing with a naked Jayne.

"Okay…but you keep that little man of yours outta there, too! Whatever Jayne does in there, he'll clean up and sterilize everythin' he touches that ain't with his hands!"

"Yes, Sir. Don't worry. I'll see to it."

"Good. I'm goin' back into my bed now."

"Sleep well, Sir."

Mal nodded and instead of slowly descending the ladder, his hands came away from the rungs and he fell to the floor with a loud thud, just as another rather unsettling crash came from the mess hall. Zoë couldn't believe this was happening on Christmas Eve, but she checked on Mal by peering down at him. Inara was already there, checking him over and she looked just as fatigued as he.

"He's not hurt." said the companion, yawning. "I'll leave him there, I can't lift him when he's like this and he does needs the rest. Is everything all right, Zoë? I heard an awful commotion."

"It's fine." The first mate replied. "Nothin' to worry about."

"Jayne on another night raid on the kitchen?"

"Of course."

"He's not naked is he?"

Zoë didn't want to tell her what he was really doing, but the expression on her face was enough to make Inara recoil and frown in disgust.

"On that rather disturbing mental image…goodnight, Zoë."

"Night, 'Nara."

Zoë closed the Captain's hatch and proceeded to go back to her own. She was only stopped in her tracks when she heard a long successive series of bangs before everything went silent. Whatever possessed Jayne, or indeed River, to engage in their "extra-curricular" activities, there was one thing she was absolutely certain about. It was consenting.

A sad stir of envy panged at her heart.

* * *

Kaylee sneaked out of Simon's room, thirsty for a glass of water. She picked up one of his shirts, breathed in his scent and slipped it on over her before happily strolling towards the mess hall with her arms swinging.

Upon reaching the entrance, Kaylee paused at seeing the door shut. Smiling and blushing a little, she clasped her hand over her mouth as she realised what was happening. Jayne was on another snack raid.

But she was thirsty and the only decent drinking water was from the sink in the kitchen, so she would just have to risk going in. She then took her hand from her mouth and placed it on her eyes before knocking on the door.

"Jayne….I'm just getting a glass of water….I ain't lookin' if you ain't wearin' nothin'….and…"

The sound that affronted her ears caused the mechanic to peek through her fingers and she let out a startled squeak when she saw a very naked Jayne sitting in a chair and River kneeling between his legs. Kaylee squeaked again, this time it never stopped as she turned round and ran, flustered with a mix of shock and joy at what she had witnessed.

Neither of the indulging couple stopped, or even appeared to have noticed the intrusion from Kaylee, so the mechanic turned, shutting the door and locking it before scampering back to Simon's dorm, squee-ing with excitement. It was about time those two got together, though it wasn't quite how she expected.

Christmas was going to be extremely interesting…and so too would the days, weeks and months that followed.

TBC….


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: The second part for an_ardant_rain (ILB) secret santa on the rayne_exchange. Ooo-er! This is long…longer than any of my others I think. But it's done for the moment. Yes, it is a little bit late, but I'm surprised I've got it done. It was tough! Good fun to write…but tough! I just hope ILB approves. If the end seems a little rushed….that's because it was. Just didn't want to it is then…enjoy. Again warning for the smut. ;) This takes place six years not four years after BDM.

* * *

**The Broken Christmas**

River came out of her blissful stupor, unaware of what time in the cycle it was. It must have been early as there was no sight or sound of the other members of the crew. Her entire body ached, though a pleasant warmth rested beneath her and a thick blanket covered over the top of her. She wasn't quite sure where she was, so she pulled a corner of the blanket off from her head and looked out at the dark devastated scene before her.

"We've broken Christmas." she whimpered, noting with faint amusement the minute traces of blood crusting her fingers.

There was nothing hanging on the walls of the mess hall now, for all the pretty and intricate decorations that had been painstakingly put up, were on the floor; ripped, broken, smashed and in lots of pieces. Squinting, River noticed that even the walls themselves appeared to have suffered, for she could make out the distortion of the metal and the scratches. The kitchen was in chaos, for nothing had escaped the fury of the hours before hand. All that had been left out on the counter was on the floor; pots, pans, paper chains, glittering plastic snow flakes, even a curious little elf thing, its happy smile broken in two, had been destroyed because of them.

The ceiling decorations were also gone, snagged by the top of a fallen Christmas tree, but at that time neither Jayne or River saw just how spectacular that fall had been. She could make out the many presents beneath the tree, though she couldn't tell if any of them had been damaged by its fall.

A couple of the chairs were broken, a huge crack in the middle of the dining table was plainly visible and through the tangle of non functioning fairy lights, a scattering of pine needles covered the floor. River squinted and saw that even the snack lockers had been dented and the blobs of jellies and "cake" (if any of those puddings could be called that) slopped down the walls. Looking back under the blanket, she realised her body was covered in the remnants of desserts, syrups and creams and the trail of sweet had been smeared across the floor and walls by her….River smiled…and Jayne.

"Christmas is all in bits. We've ruined it for the others. Captain Daddy will be most vexed." River gazed round at the mess again and shook her head. "I was unaware we were that destructive."

"Yeah?" moaned a voice beneath the blanket. River giggled as a wiggling warmth below her moved and two large palms clutched at her bottom, squeezing hard. When the soft teasing bristles of a goateed face kissed and nipped at the inside of her thigh, River had to hold her breath. "Girl, there weren't nothin' registerin' with me 'cept you and all them things you did. But these bite marks an' the food stuffs all over us, ain't that evidence enough?

River nodded in acceptance of Jayne's logic.

"I am quite sore, it will be a while before everything you've done to me sufficiently heals."

"Yeah, well…same here, moon-girl. Ya've taken so many chunks outta me, I think I'm gonna be walkin' wonky for months!"

She sighed as he kissed once more, tenderly at her throbbing wet lips. She jiggled slightly, catching the top of Jayne's head, so in retaliation Jayne grabbed one of her feet and gently bent her leg so he could take several snarling bites at her toes. He nibbled hungrily at each one after which he followed with his tongue, licking delicately around her ankles. She wriggled again, wrenched her feet away and rested them on the arm of the sofa so she could tease his own jelly smeared feet with her mouth. She nearly received a kick in the head as well as his leg shot up; his laughter instantly reminding her of what they'd done with all those puddings.

"Ya still hungry, lil' bit?" Jayne's muffled voice replied, making River snort and giggle at his heated breath on her skin. "Cuz I know I'm still mighty rumblin' for some more tastes of ya….."

He never got to finish, River nearly screamed as Jayne smacked his mouth fully over her . She jumped at the sensation of the tip of his tongue amongst her folds and let loose a pining cry. Jayne grabbed her to prevent her slipping away but as he again lapped, devouring her, the intense sensations made her bolt suddenly up and she sent a sharp kick to his face.

"Gorram!"

It hadn't been the first time she'd done that. He was dazed, disorientated by that blow but he laid his head back and waited for it to clear. He tasted blood in his mouth. Again.

She wasn't going to apologise for kicking him, nor did he expect one, for neither had said sorry for any of their injuries, there simply wasn't a needed to. They loved it too much.

River smiled and flung the blanket back over her head. She ignored the little pangs of pain from her various bite marks and bruises on her skin and she was instead comforted by the feel of Jayne beneath her and of his hardening, inches from her face. She chuckled fiendishly and a single finger gently stroked at his length, making it twitch at her soft touch. Jayne held firmly at her waist, lifting her.

"Moon girl…don't…not again…ya do that and it's gonna fall off! Then I ain't gonna be able t'sex ya no more…or ever, an' that don't go down well with me. "

"I won't bite him hard. Promise."

Her lips kissed against the tip of his moist soft head, but before she could enclose her whole mouth around him and lick with her tongue, she let out a high pitched squeak when he moved and shifted beneath her, pulling the blanket off her head. On such a small sofa, River could only laugh more as the huge naked merc tried to turn round to face her. He swore at the effort it took him, eventually settling into a sitting position with River nestling on top of his lap.

"You always bite hard, moon girl." he replied, watching as the blanket fell from her shoulders, showing her bare marked body. Now it was his eyes turn to devour her. "Norm'ly I ain't got a problem with that, but I don't want the goods to be permanently damaged."

"That would not bode well, for both of us." River frowned.

"No kiddin'?" he scoffed with sarcasm.

"Can I bite just a little bit?"

"What did I just say?"

"I don't care! You like it! He likes it, it's yummy!"

"My meat is yummy? Can't ever say I had a gal say that about ma manhood before."

"Best kind of lollipop." River laughed. "Sucks well!"

"Okay, now ya freakin' me out….ya sounding crazy again! Stoppit before I damned well give ya reason to regret all of this!"

_No more crazy right now. I have never been more lucid and sane in my whole life, even before the academy. He knows…I see it in his eyes, Jayne Cobb can see me now. It scares him greatly. He needn't be afraid…not yet. _

"I'm sorry." River said, genuinely apologetic. "I'm just enjoying myself too much. I don't think I've ever been this happy for a long while. No sickness, no insanity confusing me…just sex. The good sparing, wrecking and pleasure…can I please bite again? I know you like it when I bite."

_Go on…you know you want it, you love it! _

Instinctively, his large hands came up to touch and squeeze at her breasts and River moaned pleasurably; she loved how he massaged them though both were still sore and tender from where his teeth had bitten; but the strength in his hands, the sharp pleasurable pain as he pinched her sensitive nipples made her head flop back.

"You love it when I bite hard." she moaned, swaying dreamily from side to side. Her moan whined when he tugged on her hardening nubs, rubbing and twisting .

Jayne laughed at her whining cry.

"Yeah…yer quite spry, lil' bit. An' you ain't nearly as delicate as I dun thought ya was. Didn't think you'd like what we did, for it weren't exactly gentle like. "

"Doesn't hurt." River whispered, lulling with Jayne's rhythmic fondles of her and the teasing stokes of his erection against her belly. "You fit in me now and it feels right."

In an instant, the smile vanished from his face and from his eyes. His hands dropped from her breasts and rested on the side of the sofa. He was stiff and tense, no longer relaxed or comforted in his position.

"We'd best git up." he said, gruffly, slipping his fingers under her legs to push her up from him. "Don't think we should be here when the others wake up. I'll be shoved in the airlock fer sure."

Jayne's doubt had resurfaced. In the aftermath of an abrupt explosive marathon of sexual tussles, Jayne had slipped momentarily into a comfort zone. He had been really pleased lying here with her for she sensed deep within him a contentment and happiness that hadn't been there before. Now as she glared defiantly down at him, Jayne could not look her in the eyes. His attempts to push her away became more forced and River struggled against him, yet she knew he could quite easily fling her onto the floor like everything else with one push from his hand.

"Look at me."

When he did not comply, she grabbed a fist full of his hair and jerked his head sharply back, glaring into his defiant scowling eyes. He was looking at her like he used to, when he was afraid and angry at her and she knew that if she didn't convince him quickly, this would be finished. She leant in close to his exposed neck and spoke to the bulge of his Adam's apple. "I will not allow anything to happen. The Captain can't and will not hurt you, because this was my choice. Besides…only I can hurt you."

She felt the old leering smirk creep across his face.

"Tell me 'bout it." he sneered. "Look, we gotta stop now. We're both bare bucked an' if we're caught..well …fuckin' hells…ow!"

She had ripped more of his hair with such a hard tear that Jayne thought she had ripped off his scalp as well, but he just glared in shock and contempt at the handful of hair she waved about in her fist. Then he gripped his hand round her wrist and twisted her arm round and up. Any further and he could break it with a small turn of his own. She smiled, liking the slight crack in her shoulder and of the pinching hurt of his fingers on her wrist. She knew his intent and it wasn't to break her like this. It took but a simple application of pressure with her legs against him, squeezing herself hard into his groin that loosened his grip and in a flash she slipped her hand out from his hold and latched on to his shoulder. River then curled along the scratch marks on his back with her bloodied nails and lightly kissed at the many impressions of her teeth over his shoulders and neck before purring delectably in his ear.

"We are so alike. Dark thoughts, passionate lusts. We need to feel something strong. You and I…we are explosive."

Grabbing his hands, she covered his knuckles and guided his palms over every part of her body that he too had marked. His eyes followed with want, before he wrenched them away and flung her off his lap.

"Yeah? Really?" he snorted, reaching for the blanket that had been discarded. He shook off the pine needles and covered himself. She knew he didn't like the direction her "crazy talk" was going in, for he knew exactly what she meant. So many times he pretended her words were gibberish, they could be, but he knew. He understood.

"All what we jus' did…you sayin' that makes us gorram sweethearts now, lil' bit? I don't think so. Yer the one whats started all this, you did the teasin' and the temptin' and you made all o' this. Not denyin' ya got somethin' fiery in ya, nor that I dint like it. It was some good sexin'…but I ain't fergettin' what'cha are."

River frowned at harsh words, but then jumped back on him and poked the side of his head with a single finger as if it were a gun.

"I know what I am." She replied, whispering in an emotionless cold voice. "I'm dangerous and very deadly. I can kill a swarm of Reavers, I know how to use every weapon there is and I know every martial art ever created. I am a weapon, I am a tool for the Sun. Never to be a sweetheart, there's no room for romance; no flowers, chocolates, candles or hand in hand strolls in the moonlight. I offer no obligations or strings attached. It is not my intention to court you."

River feared he would end this, she had frightened him too much in the past and now everything had changed. She actually felt hurt that she and Jayne couldn't be something more.

_Sweethearts? Ugh…too vulgar and sickening a term, for there isn't anything sweet about either of us. Partners in crime we could be, for always Captain Daddy teams us together. The mercenary and the Assassin, the deadliest members of the crew, the members of the family that are not like the others. At the very least would we be able to be friends? _

River wasn't sure, the look in Jayne's eyes was worrying her.

"Why'd ya do it?" he suddenly snapped, scratching at his scalp where his hair had been torn. "Why come on t'me and do all this? Ain't as if I like ya much…or at all."

"You do like her or there would have been no way you ever would have sexed her so visciously! You're afraid to admit it." River wiped some of the sweat from his brow, raking her nails through his hair before digging into his scalp. "You have such dirty thoughts about me, good dirty lusting thoughts."

"Get out of ma head, woman! Jus' say…why the ruttin hells was it me?"

"Why I chose you?" River shrugged her shoulders as if she was uncertain. The facts had been so clear in her head at the time, nothing else was important, but now there were snippets of broken data in her head, faint sensations of emotions and traces of the black grey aura whisping still in the air. "The Jayne-man was the one viable option left on Serenity. I could not go to Simon. He cannot be applicable…incest is not something I wish to ever partake in."

"Moony…that's jus' wrong you even thinkin' on it! It ain't natural and well just gorram wrong!" Jayne shuddered, provoking a similar horrific reaction in her.

"Agreed." River shivered. "Captain Daddy already has his mate, his companion. I could have waited until we reached Persephone and found a suitable partner there, but your thoughts wouldn't go away. They were so strong…." River stroked at his face with her other hand, a light clawing touch along his stubbly cheek, before she grazed her teeth over his forehead. "Experienced. Knew he would satisfy, eventually."

"Huh?" Jayne choked. "What'cha talkin' 'bout…eventually?"

"First penetrative indulgence, the foreplay was not adequate. You did not hit all the right spots."

"Aw hells…you gonna list faults on ma performance? "

"No. You learnt quickly…adapted to my needs, surprised me and took me over and over the edge many times."

"Well…good." Jayne proudly stated. "I ain't ever had complaints from any woman I'd sexed."

"What about me? Was it all right?" she asked, her voice suddenly quiet and unnervingly humble. "Did I do things properly for you?"

"Er…"

_Hell yeah. More than anything, the bull wants to go again, he wants to keep going, keep touchin__'__ and ruttin__'__. He loves how bendy and tough she is__…__he loves it when he__'__s in her, when she is swallowing him, he loves hearing her gasping screams and her retaliations. She ain__'__t frail. _

River sank lower down to rest herself against his chest, the fuzz of his hair was comforting and she snuggled contently with that feeling. Surprisingly Jayne's hands settled on her bottom and held her gently in place, unaware that he had rested his face against her head, nestling in her hair. The doubt and fear was slowly fading again, he was going back into his comfort zone.

"Girl, I tell ya…that was the most intense and exhilaratin' sexin' I have ever…." Jayne turned his head away as he tried to compose himself. River giggled and pulled his head back round to face her. She clamped her hands on either side of his face and beamed a huge smile back at him. "Hey! Don't get too high an' mighty cuz ya sex good…I was only sayin' is all! I jus'…thinkin' back on it…I dint. Think that is."

"Neither did I." she cooed, snaking her hands down his sides. "Instinctive, driven to find you. All the parameters in the directive were correct and the needs had to be met. I'm sated now, the fire has been put out, but it still smoulders. I enjoyed our times…wild, erratic and chaotic."

"All six of 'em?"

"Yes. All six copulations were different but I saw the infinity of everything, every time. A good Christmas gift."

"If ya say so."

"But you did say so." River frowned and poised as Jayne like as possible before adopting his accent. ""Was the most intense, exhilaratin' sexin' ya ever had!""

There was an ambiguous look of amusement and revolt upon Jayne's face at hearing her impression of him and to make her stop, he grabbed at her forearms and squeezed hard; River ground into his lap with delight, laughing menacingly into his ear before taking a bite at his lobe. Then she smacked her mouth against his jaw line, running her teeth through the stubble, kissing him closer and closer to his mouth. Her fingers curled up once more in his hair and she felt his fear when her kisses became softer, tender and with less bite. Just as she was about to touch her lips with his, Jayne rose his knees and River was lifted up away from his face. He jabbed a finger in her face, again trying to be intimidating.

"Right, jus' so we're clear, lil' moon-river. I don't ever kiss on the mouth; its my rule cuz kissin' on the mouth leads to unwanted feelin's, an' possibly gettin mugged whilst yer past out. So what we did aint ever gonna be more than fun. Mushy love feelin's jus' complicate things and I sure as aint ever lookin' or needin' that go se. Dong ma?"

"So you want us to just be sex mates?" she asked inquisitively

Those were the best words he could ever have wished for and River loved it. The grin that spread across his face was as if the most miraculous thing had just happened, the best thing since sliced bread. This agile, nimble and vicarious young woman had just suggested they be sex buddies. That meant willin' sex without him having to pay for it, yet it was not without risk. The rest of the crew wouldn't like it and he had a few issues of his own that still plagued at his thoughts.

"Jayne should not worry." River said, scraping her nails down across his face and neck and following the new red marks with her mouth. "Good sex-mating fun is all she wants."

"Not here…" Jayne supplely squeezed his hands on her thighs, breathing hungrily against her shoulder. "My bunk…we need to go to my bunk. "

"No! _Now!_"

Jayne nodded and murmured "gorram dominatin' minx" in response, smiling eagerly when River took hold of his hand and placed it between them.

Her body gently moved up and down his, the warmth of her belly pushing at his cock and as she did so, she further guided his hand in between her legs. She was wet again, (gorram! She cert'inly has a strong appetite.) wanting. From just that the feeling of his finger brushing over her throbbing clit, her breaths became shallow and hard, she urged and desired Jayne to make her cry. She rose up onto her knees to give him easier access and the merc wasted no time at all in wrapping one of his arms around her waist to steady her and then without a warning, he slipped two of his fingers deep inside of her core. River already felt like her name, she was gushing as he pumped slowly but hard into her and she had to cling to his face to muffle the mews that keened from her mouth. As she rocked in time with the motion of his fingers, she heard his enticing Mandarin encouragement, the growls of her name and how supple she felt.

He knew how she liked it now, hard and tough, so he kept up the pace but the teasing at her sensitive aroused lips was varied, not just restrained to one area. She liked it, oh gods she liked it, River was overcome, she could feel the flushing heat on her insides intensifying and throbbing with each thrust he gave her along with the tingle of his stubble on her breasts. A series of heavy pants gasped from her mouth, mixed in with broken utterances for more and mews of his name. Her small lithe body shook pleasurably in synch with his fingers and rolling groin, before eventually and mutually they both broke apart.

"Again, Moony?" Jayne smirked, smearing his fingers up her belly.

"And again and again."

River rose up and then she slid blissfully down over him, tensing only for a second before relaxing and beginning a steady rhythmic grind. The pressure from his kneading hands on her hips and of him inside was peaking her to blissful new heights. As he matched her rolling rhythm River could feel the hot sticky film of sweat beginning to coat them both once more.

Arching her back, she lifted her arms above her head and closed her eyes, riding the sensation of Jayne like he was a bucking bronco, shaking the usually strong frame of both man and sofa to a weakening state. Jayne kept up well, but he was faltering. River knew that he was watching her euphoric expressions, he was watching every shake of her head, the panting rise and fall of her chest; he was entranced and trapped, gasping for breath.

He was drunk upon her, yet he was yearning still for more. A long languid lick of her lips trapped his gaze. Through the pushing squirming motions of their bodies and the sweat dripping in his eyes, a haze washed over him as he fixated intently on the moistness and plumpness of her lips and tongue. There was an urge to suck at those lips, to bite that dangerous tongue and River only played on it. Reaching up a finger, she placed it between her teeth and bit down, moaning.

It provoked him even more.

_Don't kiss those lips. Ya don't ever kiss 'em on the mouth or you'll be out cold and all ya val-u-balls will be swiped. But hers…all them times you both bin screwing along, why would just one kiss on those lips make much of a difference? She ain't gonna leave ya high an' hard. Will she taste as sweet on these lips as she was on her others? Just one kiss…it aint gonna hurt ya. Gorrammit! Ya don't ever kiss 'em on the mouth! _

This time he did and he didn't even realise it until it was too late.

His hands pulled up from her waist, skimming up over her breasts before cupping tenderly at her face. Time passed by achingly slow and even with her eyes closed, their skin sliding and slipping tightly together, River saw through his. He was weakening as he brought her reddening face closer to his own, his groaning ragged breath breathed upon her mouth, before he covered her, crashing his mouth over hers with fierce hungry motions. She offered no resistance to this kiss, opening wide and welcoming Jayne's warm hungry tongue to battle with her own. River had never been kissed like this before, never felt such wet hot passion bursting in her mouth and now she couldn't have imagined not kissing…him. It fuelled them on, harder, rougher and invigorated; the kiss sparked a new fire and it roared in Jayne as he heaved himself up off the sofa, carrying River across the room. He slammed her into the wall, his mouth still crashing with hers, his hands ravishing over her body as he ground himself deeper.

She tried to cry her ecstatic screams into his mouth, he tried to reply, but they were muffled and dowsed with their heavy breaths and the vibrations of the metal made with each crushing blow he drove into her. Until the need for air broke them apart.

"Jayne!"

His name was all she could muster in between her chokes and the brutal force of her already scarred body smacking against the wall. With her legs latched around his waist and her arms coiled round his neck, she pulled Jayne back for another kiss, pulling him a little off balance.

She could once again feel the imminent pressure swelling inside her, the uncontrollable quivering tension of her walls crushing Jayne. She was going to burst once more and so she begged him not to stop.

However, someone else made them.

The click of the gun made Jayne drop her, him slipping out of her, shattering and abruptly ending her impending orgasm. Jayne spun round frantically and when she saw him freeze, when he cupped himself, she peered through his legs and saw a very angry looking Mal pointing the gun at him.

"Get away from her, Jayne."

The Captain's restraint was wavering, how he wasn't screaming obsenities and threats was curious as his mind was full of them, angry red swirling inside and flaring on the out. Behind him, Zoe was standing looking in shock at the mess they had made. Too many thoughts now flooded River's mind, it was hurting and not in a good way. Unable to block them out, she buried her face in her hands and began to rock back and forth.

"Mal! It ain't what it looks like!" said Jayne edging away as the captain began to tread over the debris.

"Keep talkin'…." Mal seethed angrily. "Just give me an excuse to pull this trigger you _si pi yan!"_

"Mal! Gimmie a chance t' explain! She and I we…."

The captain wasn't listening, he stormed right up to the merc, grabbing the discarded blanket and throwing it to River before pressing the barrel right into Jayne's face. From her position on the floor, River saw the fury in her Captain along with the anguish and discomfort of being so close to a naked Jayne Cobb. His protectiveness towards her was so great that he wasn't thinking straight, he wasn't in the frame of mind to be reasonable. She had to act.

Mal did so before she could.

His fist flew right at Jayne and caught him full on his nose. There was a crack and Jayne went falling to the ground.

"You dare to do that t' a member of my crew! You have the gorram gall to defile her, hurt her after everything she's done for us? You low life stinkin'…."

"Mal it weren't ever like that!" Jayne growled back, caring not for the blood streaming down his nose. "I din't defile her! I swear!"

"The words coming from your mouth ain't carin' much for my temper, Jayne." Mal spat, his face now a furious red. "You have exactly ten minutes to haul your ass outta here and off ma ship!"

"But we're in the middle of the black, Mal! You gonna space me, jus' like that?"

"It's either that or I shoot ya. Take ya pick."

"I ain't goin' no where! I've done nothin' wrong! Cept break up the kitchen an' all, sure…but Mal, I dint beat up on her! Gorrammit it's the truth!"

"Captain…it might be best we let him explain." said Zoe slowly edging up behind Mal and touching lightly at his shoulder. When Mal shrugged her off and again aimed his gun, both the first mate and River realised that Jayne presence would never help Mal calm down any time soon. River scuttled over to Jayne and eased him up into a sitting position, whilst Zoe gently pulled Mal's gun away from the merc.

_Jayne needs to get out of here. Go to the one place he can be safe.. He needs to go now, before Simon finds out as well. Zoe and I will tell him what really happened…she knows, she saw. She understands. _

"Go." River whispered into Jayne's ear.

"Nuh-uh! I aint runnin' away like some yellow belly hundan when I dint do nothin' wrong!"

"Captain-daddy is not himself. All he sees is red, he jumped to the wrong conclusions and can't see past the angry haze with you here. Go and find Inara."

"What? Why would I wanna go an' see her?"

"It's safe with her."

"But it smells funny in her shuttle, it always has!"

"I'm still counting!" yelled Mal, straining against Zoe's restraint.

"Just go, Jayne. Please."

"Girl…I knew we shoulda gone t'ma bunk. You an' ya damned sex lustin's, ya just couldn't wait, could ya?"

"Jayne!"

"All right! Made! I'm not gonna take the rap for crazy doin's, _dong ma_, ya loony bint!"

Though Jayne wasn't going to argue any more when he noticed the twitching in Mal's eye. When that twitch happened, along with the flaring of his nostrils and the clenching of his jaw, everyone knew that the Captain was going to snap and snap hard.

Jayne rose to his feet and grabbed the closest thing he could to cover his modesty. It turned out to be far from the best thing to hold in front of his privates as the large plushie Santa ("Who brought that gorram thing?") started to move in a strange dance and sing. River couldn't help but smile even in their dire predicament, the tinny sound of "Jingle Bells cut through the chaos of thoughts strangling her and eased the anxiety within. She was distracted by the dancing Santa in front of him, amused as the tall normally frightening man blushed far beyond embarrassment, so much so that she didn't sense the approaching couple.

Too late. Jayne didn't leave quick enough, as he collided with River's brother when he stumbled through the door. The jolt between the two men was followed by an eerie silence and then a "Ho Ho Ho, Happy Christmas!" from the Santa between Jayne's legs.

"Oh what happened to the festive pretties?" Kaylee squeaked from behind them, trying so hard to draw the attention away from Jayne. It didn't work.

Simon had gone extremely pale, more so than his normal complexion. His mouth was hanging open and the usual choking gasps of pure horror gurgled from it as his eyes were assaulted with something he had never wanted to see. Ever. He staggered, remaining up right only thanks to Kaylee who grabbed hold of his waist. The situation wasn't quite registering at first, but after a long agonizing silence, River could feel her brother piecing the scene together.

_Naked Jayne, wrecked mess hall, broken table, naked River. Oh no. _

"_Mei mei_?"

Coming out of his catatonic state, Simon immediately pointed an accusing finger at Jayne, stammering and River thought he may have even started foaming a little at the mouth and his eyes looked as if they were going to explode right there in the sockets.

"YOU!" So much hate and spite oozed in that one single word that blurted out from Simon's mouth. His pointing finger was shaking and even if it was possible, his skin was taking on a more paler shade. Jayne stood in front of him, glaring down defiantly, betting him to continue or even take a swing at him, but Simon couldn't get the words out. He just pointed with one hand and his other clenched into a fist. "YOU!"

"Mornin' doc." Jayne said, shifting on his feet. "Happy Christmas. Dint getcha anythin', so don't get all upset 'bout it."

River sniggered into her hand when Jayne then quite calmly side stepped her fuming brother and when he reached the door he vanished with all the speed he could muster.

Now, she was left alone with the rest of the crew, an angry Captain and a traumatized brother, to explain what happened. With the object of the two other men's rage gone, it would be just a little bit easier to tell them the truth.

If she knew what the truth was.

River wasn't sure. The details of why she had taken it upon herself to engage with Jayne sexually, were slipping further and further away from her.

* * *

Inara had heard the commotion not long after she had slipped from Mal's bunk and gone back to her shuttle. Inara finished washing herself with her sponge from her bowl and as she dried herself with gentle dabs of her towel, she went to pick out her dress for the morning. Inara had hazarded a guess as to what Mal's yells had been about, but she never expected to be drawn into the serious complications and consequences derived from the bizarre couple's entanglements.

The pounding on her door came almost as suddenly as Mal's angry ranting had done, but Inara put on her favourite red Chinese dress first and secured her hair up with some sticks before she walked over to the door of her shuttle and opened it up. There would be time to beautify her appearance later. More important matters were at hand.

"'Bout gorram time, 'Nara! Lemme in! There's a draft in the bay and it's shrivellin' me up like a pickle!"

She was speechless as Jayne scuffled into her shuttle, buck naked with only a dancing plush Santa toy singing and squirming in front of his privates. That wasn't what shocked her, Inara had seen plenty of naked men. Nakedness didn't shock Inara, it was a natural and beautiful thing. Yet the state of Jayne's skin was quite surprising.

"Erm…Jayne…? What can I help you with?" she asked, as he paced right over to her bed and replaced the toy with one of her cushions. Much to her dismay. Yet even with the quick swap, she could see that pretty much his entire body was covered in bloodied nail marks, bruises, bites and other injuries, given to him by a small young twenty three year old. The blood dripping from his nose was probably Mal's doing.

"I dunno." he said, sniffing at the air and frowning when more blood dripped all over his chest. "Little crazy tol me to come an' see ya. Why, I ain't rightly sure…but I'm guessin' it's a safe place whilst she talks things over with the captain. A sanctuary till Mal comes t' his senses. If he ever does. 'Nara…gorram! It still smells in here!"

"It's still and always will be incense, Jayne. It creates a pleasant and soothing atmosphere and its supposed to smell nice!" she replied with a despondent sigh. She picked up her bowl and got a fresh cloth from her silk bag and held it out for Jayne to clean up his blood.

"Something to drink, Jayne?" she asked as he tended to his nose. He grunted a few strange sounds but Inara went ahead and did so anyway. It wasn't the most comfortable of situations as she and Jayne had never really seen eye to eye, but that wasn't a reason to be rude especially when he so clearly needed some help. The comfort of words or advice.

Inara prepared some drinks, during which she picked up some blankets and beautifully embroidered throws and offered them to the merc. He accepted one of the more plainer ("less girlie lookin') darker throws and snaked it round his waist. Once the tea was made, Inara poured one into a china cup for self and a mug that Mal sometimes liked to drink from. Both men never cared much for drinking daintily out of posh cups that didn't hold much.

"Ta." he said. "Got any sugar?"

Inara held out the sugar bowl and Jayne scooped up three of the larges cubes and dropped them in his cup.

"So…why did River send you here?" she asked, settling down onto the sofa by the bed.

Jayne slurped loudly at his tea and wiped his face with the back of his hand, letting out a relieved and pleasured "ahh!" which was immediately followed by a restrained polite belch.

"I'm guessin' cuz the Captain' didn't much like seein' both of us nekkid, sweaty and sexin'." he said.

"May I ask why didn't you go to your bunk? You could be more comfortable there."

"Well…nah! Mal can get into my bunk, even if I do lock it. He's the Captain, he got all the codes!"

"But still…."

"All right!" Jayne snarled. "I'm thinkin' that it's cuz you might be able to keep Mal at bay if he comes lookin' for me. Plus this shuttle o'yours, aint it sanctified or somethin'? I might be askin' for asylum, your protection as it were."

"You're asking for asylum from me?" Inara touched lightly at her chest, startled. "That's a very unusual request, Jayne. My shuttle, when I entertained my clients, was a place of union, meaning that only the people involved in the act of union are allowed in here. But I don't do that any more and you and I we are not going to be…."

"Yeah! I know that! Ya've told me enough times! What I am askin' for is ya companion-y status to y'know…make sure Mal don't come in here and turn ma brain inta splattered bits on the walls!"

"I think you're exaggerating, Jayne." she said with slight laughter in her silky voice. "As for your request for asylum, no one asks companions. I've never known anyone to…that's normally reserved for shepherds, priests and other religious figures."

"Well, the preacher's room ain't much use to me now he ain't there, is it?" Jayne scoffed, rubbing at the end of his nose to see if the bleeding had stopped. Satisfied that it was he took another big gulp of his tea. "It wouldn't 'ave stopped Mal anyhow! As for the preacher…god rest his soul or whatevers…he would have jus' given a lecture on the special hell and about takin' advantages if he were here still. You…you can keep Mal from coming in here…right?"

"I wish I could. He barges in here when he pleases."

"What, for the sexin'?" Jayne briefly grinned and winked at her, before realising the captain and his lady might have done it on the bed he was sitting on. So he shot up to his feet, nearly spilling his tea. Inara couldn't believe this.

"Jayne, you're not here to discuss what Mal and I get up to. You have come here, clearly troubled…not to mention naked…and you have a problem that I maybe able to help with. If you wish."

"Look, I jus' wanna to keep breathin'! No need for talkin' 'bout what the crazy gal got me in ta!"

"So you don't want to talk about what happened between you and River?"

Jayne didn't answer her straight away. Instead he looked at her intently, squinting his eyes, watching the for subtle changes in her facial expressions and in her body movement. Inara gave away almost nothing, except for the look in her eyes. He saw behind all that companion training that she was curious and not in a professional manner. He smirked.

"Wanna know all the sexy details, 'Nara?" he said eventually, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I heard plenty to know, thank you very much." Inara smiled back through the sarcasm tainted in her voice. Jayne scoffed back a _"yeah right." _in amused response. "You can tell me anything you want to, I won't judge you or even ridicule you. I'm offering my help, Jayne."

"So yer not angry at me? Ya not gonna lecture me?"

"No. But I will ask the questions you're asking yourself to help you realise the answers. Do you think you were irresponsible with her? Did you feel that you took advantage of River when she offered herself to you?"

"I dunno."

Jayne laced his fingers and hands round his mug and gazed down into the warm tea as he paced up and down her shuttle. He did it a number of times, hitching up the throw when it nearly slipped off his hips and then walked over to the sofa. He plonked himself down next to her with a heavy thud and sigh. Inara didn't recoil or move away, in fact, with a deep long breath, she turned to him and briefly patted his arm. She understood all too well what turmoil his mind was in.

"Jayne, I'm not Mal. I have a far more deeper understanding to sex than he does and I don't tend to jump to conclusions either." said Inara softly.

"He thought I had defiled her." The angry frown clearly showed his disgust at the thought of it. "He pretty much assumed that I treated the young lil' bit like a gorram whore. Which I dint!"

"I know you didn't, Jayne. Mal knows this too, or he will when he calms down. I do think you two could have been more discreet, but I suppose I should have known better, you have never been discreet in anything you've done. Or do."

"Oh. Thanks." he said, quite proudly.

Inara returned a sly smile of her own, just as a long coiled wisp of ebony hair fell across her cheek. With a single finger she gently hooked it behind her ear and took another sip of her tea.

Inara could see in his eyes that he was waiting for her to ask more questions. Again the aching silence dragged on and he was clearly getting more and more uncomfortable, she could see the struggle within and although she normally tried to put people at ease, keeping him in some form of discomfort may help him make the first move and speak of what occurred. The long drawn out silence became unbearable for him and eventually, nervously, he began to talk.

"She said, we fit, Inara." Jayne said, shaking his head. "Clearly she's all confused 'bout it, we've never gotten on. She irritates the hell out of me! Yeah, she's grown now and all pretty, a mighty fine young woman as my ma would say…but she's weird! She uses all them big unnecessary words, when like jus' a few will do! She reads a man's mind, stares at ya with those wide unnervin' eyes! And she does it all the time ya tryin' t'clean ya guns, eat, take a piss….hell even when I'm wannin' alone private time she's always gorram there! She is creepy as….creepy things! And hell knows what that Academy did to her brain! I bet Moony don't hardly know either! The things she can do, the fightin' moves, its aint natural for a little thin tiny gal like her!"

"Jayne?" asked Inara, restraining the smile because although he thought she was annoying him, Inara always saw River's pestering of him as a very obvious sign of her affections. He didn't seem to realise, but then again Jayne was a man. "Do you believe you acted irresponsibly with River, that you took advantage by having sex with her?"

Jayne shifted on the sofa and gave his scrotum a nervous scratch.

"Nah, yeah…a bit. I dunno!" His hand reached up to the back of his head, he felt the torn patch of hair and then touched at his nose, wincing at the pain from Mal's punch. "I dint start it an' she wouldn't let me stop. Then I guess I didn't wanna…ah! _Di yu!_ I'm such a _fei-fei de piyian! Ma de!_ That girl..that gorram woman has screwed me up I don't know what I think!"

That's more like the truth. Inara nodded in understanding. The youthful Tam woman was not like anyone the crew had met before and even with all their differences, River and Jayne's past squabbles and conflicts had bothered each other far more than was let on. The real reason behind the violence, threats and physical altercations went unnoticed by the couple themselves and certain other members of the crew. To Inara, it was there, plain to see. It wasn't conventional attraction, but the tell tale signs of affection was there. They argued and teased each other like children in the playground, it was the only way they knew how to interact.

"Tell me what happened, Jayne. I might be able to help you make some sense of it all."

Jayne shifted once more. He took in some deep long aching breaths, unsure as to if he was going to say anything at all. Then whether it was the damned incense, the stinging throb of his cuts and bruises or just the chaos of emotion that was choking him, he let everything go.

"I was just mindin' my own business, 'Nara. I was 'bout to go back to ma bunk and get some kip, for that damned lil' tyke of Zoe's had done my head in asking questions bout Santa and stuff; when she turns up and not in her usual crazy mode neither. I'm talkin' extra weird and creepy. She don't say a thin' which fer starters differs from her babbling nonsense all tha' time. She then starts sniffin' an' lickin' me like some kinda meat chop, digs her nails in me, bites at me and grabs ma tackle!"

"Has she behaved like this towards you before?

"Not exactly like that, but the last time she grabbed and twisted my knackers, she weren't acting her usual self neither. She was beatin' everyone up in that bar on Maidenhead, zoned out and all killer psycho."

"Ah." Inara gently bobbed her head in recollection. "That was when she was triggered by the subliminal message in the Oatie bar commercial."

"Yeah. She also behaved like that when she killed all them Reavers on 'Verse's moon." Jayne shuddered at the thoughts of those things.

Inara zoned out herself for moment, lost in thoughts as she rose from her position and walked over to her dresser. Jayne's mention of River's trigger all those years ago troubled Inara as she stood in front of the mirror to apply her makeup. As she picked up her mascara brush and lightly touched it at her lashes, Inara worried that River had started something she possibly didn't mean to, or would be able to stop. It meant that there was something else from River's Academy days to deal with, but Inara wasn't with the young assassin. She was with Jayne. He needed her help now.

"You allowed her to continue her advances towards you." she stated, turning round and walking back over to him.

"Well…" Jayne put down his mug and wrapped the throw round his shoulders.

"You were unable to say no?"

"I did say no! On a number of occassions! But she was still insistent!"

"Yet you continued to have intercourse with her, more than once, because you think of River in a way that is contrary to what you let on. "

"Ya what?"

"Jayne….you're not stupid. Think about it."

He did.

"It was sex!" he yelled, rather suddenly. "I don't have 'mantic mushy feelin's for her! It was plain consentin' ruttin' sex is all! She liked it, hell I liked it…nothin' more to say 'cept I don't have girlie lovie dovie feelin's towards the moon-brain!"

"Did you kiss her?"

"Huh? Why'cha ask that fore?"

"Did you kiss River?"

"Well sure. All over an' in between too."

"That's not what I meant and you know it. Did you kiss River on the mouth?"

He had and he nodded. Inara didn't need to say any more. She sat back down on the sofa, looking and waiting for Jayne to realise what that kiss actually meant for him. She didn't pressurize him or coax him further, Inara patiently waited. Sure enough, Jayne's face went through a series of different expressions, from disapproval, disbelief, anger before at last shock and acceptance.

"Huh. I like her then?" He said, draining the rest of the mug and wiping his goatee with his arm. Inara nodded, pleased that he was accepting something positive about River, other than the sex. "Not so bad, I guess, but that ain't changin' the fact that she's still a brat and annoying."

"I would say it was more than just a simple case of liking, Jayne." Inara replied taking his empty mug away from him and placing it down on her table. She approached him again and gently knelt down in front of him. She took hold on his hand, which made him jerk away briefly, and looked at him long and sincerely in the eyes.

"Love? You think I love her? No ruttin' way!" He wrenched himself free from her grasp and headed straight for the door.

"Everyone is different, Jayne." Inara called out, stopping him as his hand just rested on the handle. "Feelings are different. Yours and possibly River's wouldn't be what I would deem love in the normal sense, but it is love all the same."

"Nah. I don't fall in that." said Jayne solemnly. "Specially not with her. She and I…it was just sex, okay? That's all it ever is about…don't need nothing more from her and she won't get none more from me. Plain and gorram simple."

Inara was saddened greatly by those words but that sadness quickly turned to shock once more when the door opened and there was a yell.

"So! It was just about the sex was it? You wang ba dan!"

The door slammed once more and as Inara rushed to Jayne's side. There was fear in the mercenary's eyes, fear not just because Mal was now pounding his hands on the other side of the shuttle, but because he might have to stop lying to himself.

He was stuck here with her and until River managed to explain things, there wasn't anything he could do, except avoid the Captain's fury.

"'Nara? I know ya said you don't…but I'm askin' anyway. Will you grant me asylum? Please?

* * *

Simon had opened and closed his mouth so many times, that it began to annoy her.

River sat on the examination table, now wrapped snugly in a large white blanket and although some of her more deeper and more painful cuts had been tended to, she still ached. She watched as her brother paced, then paused, leaning on the counter as he still tried to come to grasps with what Christmas had delivered to him today.

When Mal had gone after Jayne, babbling in such strong Mandarin phrases that Niska would have been shocked to have heard, she had obligued her brother by going to the infirmary.

_Don't worry Captain-daddy…it will be all right. You will accept it with ge ge. As will I. I hope. The bright sun might shine through the dark black clouds, but it's not warm and comforting. Not yet. _

"Wh-?" Simon nearly said a whole word, River was impressed, but not any more patient for his boob-ness. She sighed and looked around at the rest of the room, bored and frustrated at first until once again she felt the chill of fear creeping over her. River had never liked it here.

"I'm sorry!" she suddenly blurted out, startling Simon and making him upset some of his trays of surgical instruments. "Everything was made pretty, presents were brought and wrapped and put beneath the tree, Christmas was going to be special, better than the ones at home! But I'm sorry, it got broken."

"_Mei mei_…" Simon looked despondently down at the clutter on the floor, ignored it and rushed over to River. He brushed her scraggy hair out of her face and gently cupped at her cheek. "It's all right…I…I…never thought that even Jayne would be so.."

"No!"

Why did they always think badly of him?

_It was the way he grinned when he spanked her. It was his deep roaring growls as he raked his nails, drawing her blood, the naughty things he had in his mind and whispered in her ear. Dirty, lusting…so strong…life smart, gun smart…tactile and very very naughty! That's why! _

"It popped!" she gasped, her eyes widening, her hand touching at Simon's own cheek, feeling his smooth unmarked skin. "It popped in my side and I felt…felt hot and shaky. I didn't feel like myself. I think they wanted me to…I saw the calculations they made, the alterations and additions they made and put inside of me. I knew what I had to do but now…Simon? It doesn't make sense any more."

"River…just take long deep breath. You're having another episode."

She rolled her eyes at him.

"Hardly." she said. "Not been crazy for five years!"

"River, do you realise the fragile state you are in?"

She smiled and nodded her head, all too perfectly aware of the state she was in. She ran her hands over her belly and gently swayed from side to side with her eyes closed.

"Happy…warm, sore but blissful. Jayne took me there, let all of me run and gush and cry."

"Aww!" Simon drew away from her, clutching his fists in his hair and shaking his head. "I don't need to know that…please…_mei mei_, sweetie…why? Why are you defending that ape after what he did to you?"

"After what I did to him?" River held up a finger, an in a very motherly like way waggled it in front of Simon's face. "I was the one who instigated the copulations , I marked him, tasted him first. I just felt that he was right."

"Right? Right? River, it's…" Simon felt a little disgusted and even his throat tasted of bile. "It Jayne! The man is not only a brute with all the grace and manners of chimp playing with dung but he is old enough to be your father for gods sake! Plus…plus…he's Jayne! Why in all the 'Verse did you even contemplate doing something like that with him?"

River frowned and gave him a slap.

"You are mean! Why are you mean to Jayne when you two have been getting on so well?"

"We tolerate each other…and ow! River, I know he's changed since Miranda, you have, we all have…but he still essentially who he is. He's rude, crude, disgusting and _mei mei_, he's not exactly the kind of…man I thought you would go for. He's not the man I wish for you to be with. I'm betting even the captain would agree with me."

River then shook her head in dismay, slipped off the bed and wrapped her arms around his waist. He was shaking and she squeezed him as tightly as possible

"Dear wonderful, Simon you are not just a boob, you are an ass." River reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek, lovingly as a little sister would do to comfort her sibling. "You don't hate Jayne as much as you say, but as soon as I pick him…as soon as I chose to have sexual gratification with him you say he is nothing more than a stupid simian!"

"River, he is not the man…."

"YOU want me to be with. As for what I want…." River trailed off in mid-sentence as it all began to dawn on her. It was beginning to make sense.

_Didn't know how I was behaving. I didn't even realise what was going on in my own head. The pop, the pain, it was all at the wrong time, not in syncronization with the other cycles, not accompanied by usual symptoms. Trigger. Trigger of a different kind! I didn't know…I never knew I wanted him. Strong man, perfect structure, olfactory senses, the right specimen, the right donor. He fits! They just didn't know that I would have chosen him anyway. They gave me strength to do what I was afraid of. _

"Simon, am I bleeding yet?"

He didn't know quite how to respond.

"You want to? Is that why you let Jayne hurt you like that?"

River turned round to face him and gave him one of her "you think I'm the crazy one?" look. She shook her head and then hitched up the sheet that had been wound round her to check her skin. There was nothing more than the redness from her injuries and that seemed to frighten River. She shook her head and she too began shaking, almost crumpling to the floor.

"Bad. This is bad. The trigger and the normal woman feelings both point and direct towards the bear man. "

"Bear man?"

"A much better animal comparison for Jayne than ape. He growls and is strong, very dangerous and deadly. His claws could rip me in two, but it feels so good. We are similar, we like the fight and the battle scars. The euphoria and thrill of the clash."

"River…I don't understand. Are you saying that….that you love Jayne?"

"I am attracted. Yes." River smiled slightly. "I think…it could be more. More than just the battles we share and the fights we have. We gave each other great presents today…even though it did ruin it for everyone else."

Christmas wasn't ruined, that's what Kaylee had said. _"Sure it's a little messed up, but it ain't nothin' that can't be fixed."_ Simon had still been catatonic when Kaylee had started to clean up the room, brave woman considering what had taken place. Simon didn't like that River and Jayne both consented to this strange sexual groppling but she was an adult and could make her own choices. He just hoped she made an important choice where Jayne was concerned.

"_Mei mei_…I need to ask…"

"Contraception?"

"Yes." Simon rubbed nervously on the back of his neck. "Did you or Jayne use any form of contraception? At all?"

"No. Neither of us did during the six…seven times we had intercourse."

Simon almost collapsed once again. He clutched at his chest and had to steady himself against the counter. He didn't need to know that there had been more than one time Jayne had done this with his sister, but the fact that contraception hadn't been used worried him greatly.

This was not how he pictured waking up today. This was not how he planned on spending Christmas, talking to his little baby (no not a baby any more) sister about her first sexual experience, with Jayne no less. Simon didn't hate Jayne…didn't exactly like him either, as the older man was far from anything he had hoped for River. He hated thinking the way he did when he was back on Osiris, but he couldn't stop hoping for someone better. River looked at him with her head tilted to the side and crossed her arms, scowling angrily. It didn't make him feel any better remembering that she could read his mind. She was getting more and more accurate each year.

"Its not your normal time of mensturation is it?" he nervously asked, changing the subject. She shook her head.

"I didn't know what I was doing at first, Simon."

"What being the right word, River."

"Uncalled for, _ge ge_." she waggled her finger again. "I'm trying to make sense of what has and is going to happen. Your thoughts on Jayne are not helping!" River tied the sheet around her like a toga and then as if calculating a long difficult sum on her fingers, she began to pace up and down the infirmary. "The flashback…it hurt so much, but I saw I remember now. It happens or will happen…but it cannot be now. Yet, this could be the beginning."

"River! I don't understand!"

She sighed.

"My brain was changed, cut and programmed. They made me into what I am. They gave me the abilities, did they not?"

Simon nodded in agreement, pleased that she was beginning to explain. Yet her mention of "Them" couldn't block out the sight of her in that chair. The Academy had done awful things to her, the sound of her screams, the sight of those devices sticking out of her flesh…it wrenched his insides. It panged guilt into him that he hadn't gotten her out sooner.

"What if it was not just my mental abilities they changed?" said River, placing her hands on her stomach and stroking the cloth that covered it.

"They altered your biology and physiology as well?"

"To make, naturally, what they created." River tilted her head back to gaze at the ceiling. "Instints to mate, instincts to find a perfect donor to create another me. The science is possible, by altering DNA, re-sequencing the codes and implanting programmed behaviours and conditionings. I do not recall that happening to me, but there were years in the Academy, periods of blackouts I could not explain. Woke up in pain yet there no visible indications of surgery or cutting."

"River…you are saying that all this, you…with Jayne..it was because they programmed you to reproduce? That any children you had would be like you? A weapon, assassin…?"

"It is logical. Offspring with my mental and physical abilities, combined with those of a suitably compatible man with equally strong characteristics and build, could produce a child that would be a perfect tool for the Sun. Parliament…those who made the Reavers would have something stronger. My child…my children would be theirs for using for their own means."

"But why didn't they do something while you were…."

"It could be that you got me out, Simon. They never got to finish?"

Simon smiled and then once more wrapped his arms around his sister. He felt such a huge weight lift from his shoulders as she hugged him back with all the love she had. Another secret of the Academy that had been hidden away was revealed, it was another piece of the puzzle. Even if it was just a guess. A pretty good one though .

River felt her brother's relief, it was a warm breeze all over her. All his worry his fears were eased, not completely gone, but ever since he had broken her free from that place, Simon had never been happier. So she felt happy…light and bright. The sun was shining radiantly for her now.

"River…do you have any ideas on to why it happened now?" he asked, stroking at her hair. She shook her head.

"A Christmas present?"

"It's been six years, _mei mei_."

"Faulty gene sequencing. Didn't work. They were not adept enough for the complexities of such meddling, they didn't have the time. The timing was all wrong."

"I need to do some checks on you, to confirm it."

"Yes. But not now."

"Why not now, sweetie? I need to…"

"First…I need to go and talk to the Captain. To stop him from hurting Jayne."

"He won't, _mei mei._ We can talk to him together…explain to him that you and Jayne only did…what you did…because of what was done to you."

River smiled and then took hold of his hand and patted it gently.

_"Yes, Simon. If you say so."_

Linking her arm around her brothers, River walked with him out of the infirmary. He may have thought that, the captain and Jayne himself may even believe it, but it wasn't the truth.

Not then and not now.

* * *

Christmas, back on Earth that was, was mainly a Christian holiday. Celebrated for the birth of Christ, the son of god. It was a belief that River had found preposterous. The bible and in all its teachings, made absolutely no sense and held no merit of fact. Shepherd Book had told her it was about faith and how faith could fix a person. She understood that, she could see how someone would need faith, for it gave hope in times of sorrow and pain. Faith not just in a deity, but in ones family and friends, that she could understand.

But Christmas was also a time a goodwill and peace. Supposedly. Out here, away from the Earth-that-was, it didn't happen. Not much anyway. This day was as people saw it, the birth of Christ or a day, a time in the year to celebrate just the frivolities of buying lots of presents and eating too much food. But to River now, it was a time to spend with the family, the crew, to appreciate what they really had.

Now as Simon and Zoe talked Mal down, explaining River's new revelation, she looked to Inara standing at the door of her shuttle and smiled back at the companion.

_Asylum. Jayne asked for the companion to look after him. Not ever needed someone to look after him before, he could do it himself. Still could. He only came here because I asked and he never did anything I asked of him before. Something new has begun and he is changing. He's given the best present ever, the experience of something raw and wonderful, the prospect of a brighter future._

A child with Jayne. How strange would that be?

River looked to the only child on Serenity. The boy was sitting up on the catwalk, poking his little legs over the edge and watching with fascination at the scene below. So like his father, smiling and sniggering, wearing a little Hawaiian shirt crumpled and covered in grease. He wasn't interested in the large amount of presents he had waiting for him, Finn Washborne had something much more exciting to watch. Christmas was also a time for the children, to see them smile and laugh, that too she understood. She wanted to see that in a child of her own.

"Well why didn't she say so?"

Mal's frustrated voice bellowed. River chuckled to herself.

_Captain daddy…more a father than the real father. So protective and concerned, he never wanted anything to happen to her…she was crew, his Albatross. _

"Sir, you never gave either of them the chance to explain." said Zoe, sighing in relief when Mal holstered his weapon. The Captain sheepishly nodded as he realised how stupid he'd been and River saw the same wash of relief on his face as she had seen on Simon's. It wasn't Jayne's fault, he hadn't forced River into anything. He hadn't done anything wrong.

"He's gorram wrecked my boat though!" said Mal, pointing up to where Kaylee now came from. "Kaylee…don't you dare tidy up anything in there! Both of them whats done and messed up will damned well clean it up themselves! D'ya hear?"

"Wouldn't even know where to begin, Cap'ain." she said, walking over and sitting down next to Finn. She smiled at the little boy and the two of them began to swing their legs back and forth together as they leant against the rails.

"Mal…I think you owe someone an apology." said Inara, looking up towards her shuttle.

"Is he still hiding in there?" asked Mal. "He actually asked you for Asylum? I thought your sort didn't do things like that."

"My sort?"

River saw Simon and Zoe shake their heads in dismay, walking away from the Captain to distance themselves from an impending argument. Jayne wasn't the only one he had to apologise to.

"All right, I meant companions! I thought only them religious folks did that. Or captains on ships."

Inara placed her hands on her hips and waited for him to apologise. Mal murmured a sorry that River only just heard before she got up from the steps and began to climb up to the shuttle.

"Why did he ask you for that?"

"You were threatening to kill him, Mal! You accused him of defiling and basically raping her!"

Kaylee clamped her hands over Finn's ears. He didn't need to hear this, and Zoe nodded in appreciation.

"Hey I never said rape! Never said that!"

"You implied it! What were you thinking?"

"I dunno! I just saw the two of them up against the wall, she looked beaten up and defiled! What was I supposed to think?"

"That they were both consenting? That Jayne and River were enjoying themselves?"

"In my mess hall? What's wrong with his bunk or her room? Did they have to destroy everything in there because…."

"Oh no you don't! Don't you dare try and turn this around! You didn't think, Mal and so you decided to blame Jayne! You always blame Jayne for everything!"

"Oh and you think he's so perfect do you?"

"I know he's not. There is only one person on this ship that thinks he is and its not me!"

"Yeah! I know! Its himself!"

River didn't think that she needed to hear any more herself. Let the Captain and his companion fight it out, their Christmas would be great indeed afterwards as they make up in the only way they knew how to.

She passed Kaylee and Finn, the two of them grinning up at her so much that it made her grin back. She ruffled at Finn's black bouncy hair and walked over to the shuttle. He was still in there, probably getting irritated at having been left alone with no idea on what was going on.

She placed her hand against the metal of the door and closed her eyes.

Since being found out, the thoughts and noises in her head hadn't stopped. The headache had been constantly there, she had experienced many, but those caused by her family were bearable. Just.

_Not from him though. It used to, when he hated and wanted her away from him, but now all he could do was want her near. _

Slowly she opened the door.

* * *

Jayne had been fed up with pacing Inara's shuttle. So he sat down on the sofa again, but after a few minutes that didn't help either. Beyond all levels of frustrated, he threw one of Inara's cushions across the room and rose to his feet. Caring not he left the throw on the ground, he stormed angrily over to the door of the shuttle, only to see it open.

He was angry. Pissed off that he had been hiding away like a coward when he hadn't done anything wrong, he was angry that Inara thought he was in love with River, even though he had the horrible niggling knot in his gut that kept saying she was right. He was angry at himself, for so many reasons.

But that anger disappeared when instead of Mal or Inara walking through the door, River came through instead. The angry flush on his face diminished and he froze staring at her draped only in the white sheet and his mouth dropped open.

"Hi." She shuffled nervously closer to him, her eyes gazing seductively over his naked body.

"Yeah. Same to you." he stammered. "Mal calmed down yet?"

"Yes and no." River opened the door and Jayne heard the obvious argument going on between the Captain and companion. Hearing them made the merc smile, a small curl on one side of his mouth.

"He's not gonna kill me is he?" he asked, his own lingering gaze still roaming over her with desire. River shook his head.

"He wouldn't have done. Not armed…you had no way to defend yourself, Captain daddy was all rage but never would have acting upon his hasty words. He has accepted it now…so has Simon."

"Dint like bein' in here, lil' bit. Not at all…asylum was all fine and well, 'Nara helped out a lot…but she said thin's that well…what happens from now on?"

"What do you want?"

"As if you dint know, crazy."

River closed the door behind her and approached him, licking her lips before letting slip the sheet from her body. Even with all her marks and bruises, she still looked beautiful. Dangerous, but so beautiful in his eyes. She was certainly a woman now, he had experienced everything about her and even with her faults, her crazy and not so crazy ways, Jayne was finding it hard to argue that he didn't have feelings. Not them mushy loving girlie feelings…but feelings all the same.

"You do wind me up." he said, stepping into her and brushing her hair out of her face. He then gripped hard at a cluster of her hair and pulled her roughly against him. "You make me so mad."

"I know."

"Ya know too much. You planned all this, dint ya? You set me up and made me get all these gorram…."

"I didn't plan it." she said, smiling up at him as she stroked the hair on his chest. "Wasn't me. They did it. Cut into and altered me…to make their tools, to make their weapons."

"Huh?"

River opened her mouth to explain, but instead of words coming out of it, she felt his tongue slip inside. As another hot crashing kissed meshed against her lips, Jayne's hands coiled round her waist and hoisted her right off the ground. Her legs wrapped around him as River reacted back to his sudden kiss with equal vigour, pulling at his hair to keep him attached. As the kiss grew fiercer and harder, Jayne became unbalanced and he staggered clumsily over to the wall. Her back slammed against it, the force so strong it made her cry into his mouth. He sniggered back, his hot breath breathing sweet on her tongue, before Jayne pushed her high up the wall of Inara's shuttle. She lost co-ordination, her arms flapped out and caught several of the tapestries hanging nearby, tearing them away from their holds as his mouth ripped away from hers. He received a bite on his tongue when it slid out and a lush sexual moan as he licked down her neck to her chest. When he took her breast within, his teeth biting at her nipple, he was rewarded with another vocal drawl and a sensation of blood rushing to his head.

River could feel the throbbing of his muscled arms beneath her legs and the heating pulse between them was aching. His beard and stubble, two different textures of rough scratching bristles and soft enticing hair, made her body convulse when they grazed over her breasts and in between. She was shaking, aching so much that he couldn't keep himself upright.

Thankfully Inara's bed softened their fall; they landed, bounced and rolled, Jayne's large sweating body nearly crushing her as their mouths locked once again. Their hands tore and groped desperately, scratching and pinching at skin. River whined, grabbing his ass and squeezing with agonizing strength and causing him to hiss at the pleasured pain. In reaction, he forced apart her legs and directed his hardness up between her legs. He broke apart the kiss, trying to catch his breath whilst he pushed himself slowly inside her. She tensed and wailed, then finally relaxed as she allowed him to sink further inside.

"God ya make me mad, woman." he panted, stroking her face tenderly, pushing his hips harder until he was fully inside. "Ya damned minx…I hate ya fer this."

"Hate you too." she gasped, giving Jayne a gentle squeeze and a smile.

_No. Its not love as love would be. It's something more. More than hate, more than anything. We aren't normal, nor could we ever hope to be. This is better. _

"_Ta ma de! Chuo zi!"_

The abrupt interruption caused Jayne to jump right off River, the fast extraction of himself from within her made her cry, nearly as loud as Inara had done when she and Mal came through the door.

"Oh shit!" Jayne grabbed the nearest thing he could find, only to his dismay, it was the same plushie toy from the mess hall. River leapt up and hide herself behind his large frame, grinning.

"That's my bed!" Inara cried. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Having sex?" River sniggered into Jayne's shoulder.

The red flushed shock on the companion's face was most unlike Inara. She was lost for words, gasping and trying to speak something, anything that could possibly convey her shock even more.

"Now you know how I feel." said Mal turning his back and clenching his teeth.

Inara couldn't have agreed more.

* * *

"When can I open my presents?"

Kaylee looked up from her hand of cards and looked across the young boy, who's mind obviously wasn't in the game as he was showing all the cards he had. The mechanic smiled and placed the coloured cards down on the catwalk.

"Not yet. Soon. You're not in any hurry are you?"

Finn shook his head and then placed his own cards on top of Kaylee's. He pulled his legs back up from the edge and crossed them, looking over his shoulder in the direction of the mess hall.

"I'm not in any hurry…but Uncl' Jayne did say that I could open 'em on Christmas day. That is today…ain't it?"

"Sweetie…" Kaylee ruffled his hair with an affectionate rub. "Don't ever call him that, you know he doesn't like it."

"But…."

"Finn…I know yer Ma got ya things, we all did. But at this moment, it aint quite safe to go in there yet. Have a little patience…sides…we're havin' fun here, ain't we?"

The boy nodded. Mal and Inara's fights were fun to listen to. He was about to pick up the pack sitting next to him, when there was an almighty crash, followed by some more shouting. Kaylee looked behind her and to her horror, running towards them was Jayne, carrying River on his back. River had a large white sheet covering over her and Jayne, but Kaylee could still see glimpses of flesh and other….things that made her gasp. She immediately reached over to Finn and covered his eyes as the laughing couple rushed past them. The cries of Mal and Inara sounded off again in the distance, but it was the sound of a "thump" that was loudest, followed by a strange musical singing voice.

When Jayne and River disappeared, Kaylee allowed her hands and fingers to fall away from Finn's eyes. He was grinning, laughing at the hilarity of it all, before he spotted what lay on the ground next to him.

"Oh! A toy! Is it mine?"

His tiny fingers reached out to get it, but Kaylee lunged out and pulled him back.

"Erm….I don't think that would be wise. You don't know where Santa's been."

Her words confused the poor boy, but she wasn't going to explain that the toy had been wedged against Jayne's nethers, so with her boot she pushed it away.

_"Ho. Ho. Ho!" _

Ya gotta love, Christmas, thought Kaylee shaking her head. It's never the same and never boring. Family rows, plans going wrong, wrecked decorations…it just wouldn't be Christmas without them. Bring on the New Year and the surprises it brings.

The End?


End file.
